I hope your day has been a great one. As I walk through my day today, I experienced sun wind rain. I bet all of you out there is enjoying this awesome weather too. So I'm trying to think of more 'interesting' names for my title when I blog(: Since my blog is 'from a to Zeeee', my title shall be from Z to whatever things related to my day(:
Today it's Z to Awesometie. So anyway, Awesometie is my good guy friend name Jonas. It's been a long while since we sat down and catch up. Life for us has been kind of rocky since OSIP days - Back to Sg days - Days after research paper. I can say that it we've all been trying to handle our emotions about things in our own ways. Busy catching up with friends at the same time. We ate at swensens today, and of cos I ate my FREEE icecream^^ Then we walked around J8, and decided to watch 300:Rise of an Empire. It was BLOOODY, but it's a great movie huh? We chilled at some area of J8 just chitchatting about nothing, while waiting for his friends to join us for the movie. As I chat with him, I realized that we all changed just that little bit over time. Maybe it was OSIP that made us grow and became mature. Maybe it was from the gone relationship that made us grow. Realized that I didn't really know much about Jonas too. He was that easy going guy, that treats people in a nice way, the best groupmate I would say. It's pity that emrys and him didn't manage to work things out after all they've been through. But I know that both of them will find someone good for themselves someday.
I sat on the bus home thinking about things again. Thinking about family, relatives, gone relationship, about friends that I've had. That rain, that music, that feeling. Don't my heart feel alive? Feel all sorts of feelings? I asked awesometie if I should delete those photos with Jinson. For I feel that keeping those photos has not much meanings in my future. But then again, I love keeping photos and I feel as if photos are memories. Awesometie told me that he didn't delete the photos of him and that ex that he hates. Wasn't I shock? Because he was with emrys for a little more than a yr? But he still left those photos with Minsi right where it once was. He told me that deleting photos makes him feel that emptiness. And I really don't know if I should delete mine.
But then again, awesometie say that I have the right to move on and forget Jinson. For he was disappointed with Jinson too. Aren't we all disappointed in how Jinson treated me? But who can blame the heart? I don't blame Jinson, I'm glad that he was honest with his feelings. The thought of ever loving someone so deep still hurts my heart where I've put him, but I know that the day I stop dwelling on that past with him will be the day that I start being happy and loving this life again.
I sat on my bus and that special friend that was there for me, came into my thoughts again. I do miss talking with this person, and I guess letting go of people that's once there just isn't something that's easy. Awesometie told me that he was glad and relieved to see that Im positive and stronger than before. I thought of how I could be happier because I've met L and fortunate enough to have someone like him to chat with me. Maybe I was just too thankful, or maybe it's rare to get to know such a cool & goodlooking guy (well I wanna say nice guy but that wasn't what he image himself as) .
So anyway, I was just thinking about him as I read about how awesometie thinks Im moving on and feeling better. L made me want to move on, be grateful for the past, and be happy. I want to be able to do something nice for this great person someday.
I exited the bus and I rushed to bring my sis. Wasn't I feeling unhappy how it's as if its my responsibility to bring my sis? I shouldn't complain because Im big enough and should be mature enough. I just didn't like the idea that I couldn't live my own life. I wish I could be a nice sister, but I didn't choose this life. I use to dream of having a boyfriend that'll be that nice guy that'll want to bring my little sis out and play. I used to wish to have that guy that'll bring out a better part of myself, that'll make me a better person with his love for me.
Why did I want to have such a thing? That's because I remember that when I was young, my godbrother and his girlfriend would bring me out and buy things for me. It's a wonderful thing having elder korkor and jiejie to bring a little kid out. I always wished to let my sis enjoy being doted by myself and the bf that I might have. That didn't happen with Jinson. Those days that I have to look after my sis during the weekends, Jinson never did come to visit me at my house. Never did he likes my sister. I know I don't know how to love my sis well, I wish someone will just show me how to be a better sibling. I dote on my younger cousins but I just couldnt love my sis that way. I guess I just needed to be that person in the family to scold my sis for those naughty way of doing things.
Enough said for today, shall start going out by myself, try resuming that life that I use to lead.
Love,
ZiHui
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