liking someone.
have always been wondering what is it like to love someone. what is it really like?? what's true love?? hmmmm. i had put that aside during my secondary school days. and i totally zone out on liking anyone. i just shut it down. so when u wanna open up and really go and feel, its just so.....
its not something that i can put into words. how i wish i was brave and strong enough to go and really feel what i should feel. i'm afraid i'll just shut down again. this feeling of liking someone just isn't good. its nice to love, but when u love, its true that u will always get hurt. not hurt like cos the person doesn't likes u or what. just everyone will be gone one day.... so the feeling of losing someone just isn't good u know? hmmmmmm... oh well. i hope i can shut myself down again. i dun wanna face it all. i dun wanna get hurt. i dun wanna feel for someone. i dun wanna wan to care. its just so difficult. i guess, if one day i truly love anyone, i just wont be able to shut down. if i am able to shut down, it meant that its actually nothing. shall see. hmmm. not see. let me try it okay. let me be cold hearted. let me dun feel anything. and i shall be that cold hearted person again. why is it so tiring? why is my life getting so tiring? i need a break. but who doesnt yea?? maybe tmr i shall just go home n start packing my stuff. i shall pack n move back my house?? i shall change??? hmmmmmmmmmm...
i guess i really really wanna post this post. but somehow, its just not suppose to be seen by everyone. its is something that should actually go into my diary?? hmmmm. haix. finally said that.haix. if any other eyes other than my eyes ever sees this, please tell me if im stupid or not. or maybe, pls just keep it to urself^^ hahahahhas.
Draft from 15June2011
Draft from 15June2011
Mind over matter.(:
Sometimes,no matter what,it's better not to dun like someone or hold any grudge against someone. It's always better when things r okay.
Whenever anyone ask me whether I hates 'some random pple' or not, my ans would always be 'im neutral with everyone.(:
neutral is always a nice word to use(: hahaas.
Monday is papa n xiuying's birthday. Dunno what to buy for papa leh. Hahaas. N xy present was bought already. Hahaaas. And Tuesday is min sis bday. Haven't buy her present yet... :O
Draft from 23January2011
Whenever anyone ask me whether I hates 'some random pple' or not, my ans would always be 'im neutral with everyone.(:
neutral is always a nice word to use(: hahaas.
Monday is papa n xiuying's birthday. Dunno what to buy for papa leh. Hahaas. N xy present was bought already. Hahaaas. And Tuesday is min sis bday. Haven't buy her present yet... :O
Draft from 23January2011
...nowadays ...
Hahaaas.
I recently realized that lots of peeps were bored. Whenever i ask somebody whatsup,they'll say BORED. It's so common that I'm sort of speechless. Didn't really knows how to help pple kill boredom. It's kind of funny. But I always tries to make an effort to chat wif pple so that they'll start talking bout things than telling me that they're bored. Haahaas. What can I do?
Hmmm.
Just now,went to somewhere near the bishan where u can find pple playing golf to have dinner. Ate tze char(is it how it's spelled?) hmmm. Saw this lady wif loads makeup,I looked at min sis and immediately,it sent both of us into laughters!
Draft from 17January2011
As I look at all the drafts I had in my blogger, I realized once again that time had flew by really fast. Some of the things that I don't even remember. But it's really interesting to look back at the things that once happened. Memories I guess are really something important that'll complete us as a whole in time to come. For what had happened in the past kind of change or shape us into what we're becoming today. As the years flew by, I have no idea if I've grown wiser as I grow older. All I've known is that I've walk by my life in a 'breeze' the last 3 years. Polytechnic life was indeed not easy. Have experienced many things till now. Experienced that failure doesn't mean that I don't have hope. And I've failed in many things during the last 3 years. My academics, my CCA, and even a relationship. Well, in secondary school days, I didn't fail in so many things. My CCA was easy, and academic wise is always my english that haunts me. Those times, I held on tight to the things that I believe in. I always pour my own life with what could be positive, and sent positive vibes to the people around me. I see how people faced the downside of their life in face of failures. How they've been so hard on themselves with the things that they failed. Seeing them like this made me realized that I should not be so hard on myself if I ever face failures. For we will grow up through all these obstacles. I know I wasn't someone perfect and I couldn't possibly be perfect in everything or make everyone around me happy. All I could is to remind myself that there's always something beautiful in life that we can be grateful for.
Experiencing a life overseas had made me feel very skeptical about life. When people talks about life, I couldn't seem to believe anymore. Seeing people facing death of the people they love, made me ponder upon what's really important in life? Is chasing for dreams really important? Is money really important? Who are the ones that's really important in life? Right now, I'm in the lost mode. But I'm trying hard to start finding myself again. But then again, why do we need to find ourselves? Maybe just wondering around aimlessly for the whole life will somehow allow ourselves to be found?
I recently realized that lots of peeps were bored. Whenever i ask somebody whatsup,they'll say BORED. It's so common that I'm sort of speechless. Didn't really knows how to help pple kill boredom. It's kind of funny. But I always tries to make an effort to chat wif pple so that they'll start talking bout things than telling me that they're bored. Haahaas. What can I do?
Hmmm.
Just now,went to somewhere near the bishan where u can find pple playing golf to have dinner. Ate tze char(is it how it's spelled?) hmmm. Saw this lady wif loads makeup,I looked at min sis and immediately,it sent both of us into laughters!
Draft from 17January2011
As I look at all the drafts I had in my blogger, I realized once again that time had flew by really fast. Some of the things that I don't even remember. But it's really interesting to look back at the things that once happened. Memories I guess are really something important that'll complete us as a whole in time to come. For what had happened in the past kind of change or shape us into what we're becoming today. As the years flew by, I have no idea if I've grown wiser as I grow older. All I've known is that I've walk by my life in a 'breeze' the last 3 years. Polytechnic life was indeed not easy. Have experienced many things till now. Experienced that failure doesn't mean that I don't have hope. And I've failed in many things during the last 3 years. My academics, my CCA, and even a relationship. Well, in secondary school days, I didn't fail in so many things. My CCA was easy, and academic wise is always my english that haunts me. Those times, I held on tight to the things that I believe in. I always pour my own life with what could be positive, and sent positive vibes to the people around me. I see how people faced the downside of their life in face of failures. How they've been so hard on themselves with the things that they failed. Seeing them like this made me realized that I should not be so hard on myself if I ever face failures. For we will grow up through all these obstacles. I know I wasn't someone perfect and I couldn't possibly be perfect in everything or make everyone around me happy. All I could is to remind myself that there's always something beautiful in life that we can be grateful for.
Experiencing a life overseas had made me feel very skeptical about life. When people talks about life, I couldn't seem to believe anymore. Seeing people facing death of the people they love, made me ponder upon what's really important in life? Is chasing for dreams really important? Is money really important? Who are the ones that's really important in life? Right now, I'm in the lost mode. But I'm trying hard to start finding myself again. But then again, why do we need to find ourselves? Maybe just wondering around aimlessly for the whole life will somehow allow ourselves to be found?
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