Love Language

Low quantity of quality time 

VS

High qauntity of quality time

Will it eventually make a difference? Does it really matter?

Just something for me to ponder upon. 

Hey Wednesday

Hey there everybody,

Its another typical kind of day. Yet theres little bit of differences on such a typical day. 

Help out with some chores at home just cos I've got the opportunity to. I wish that the kids at home will learn to appreciate and help out soon. But i guess thats kinda fat hope. 

Today, I received a nuisance call at home and I cant help thinking too much and be unhappy in receiving such calls. I wish that I had spoke what my heart and brain wanted to. Its such a rude stranger on the telephone asking for number. Its damn freaking idiotic. It reminds me of that phone call I had that made me feel afraid of safety. Sigh. 

Anyway I just wanna not worry so much.

Love,

Z

That mind

Its the mind that couldnt sleep at night, due to overthinking. Overthinking about things that might not necessary be important at all. Yet just thinking of those nonsense. Wonder if it's because Im being too free a person, too free that my mind wonders off into the thoughts that shouldnt be mine.

The mind tells the heart what it might not like. Yet the mind overpowering what the heart will feel. Overthinking will kill. Yea knew it since long time ago, yet I couldnt help it sometimes. Wanting to shut down my mind to get a peaceful sleep, yet not being able to slee without those activities in the brain. I wish that it was that simple. That life was simple. What's leap of faith? Is it even necessary? Why cant we all just be sure of the choice that we make? Why do we often take that leap of faith in our journey in life?

If you have to think through when making choices, does it mean that the mind overpowered the heart? Anyway what sort of nonsense am I typing here? To think Im almost in my dreams already...

Love,
Z

Nose issue

This feeling feels really crappy. With that nose that kept on running... it makes me feel like some sick person. Wish that it'll be gone and I'll be good again. Maybe its the lack of exercise eh? Cant stop sneezing))):

Taste of own medicine

Hey there,

Being nice and understanding isnt an easy task. It might be time to learn how to calm the heart and let go of unecessary feelings and drama. Let go of the things that doesnt matter much in the long run. Why pick on the small little things when there's so much to look forward to in the future? 

As they say 人之初,性本善... I still remember how I felt towards things when i was younger.. Never as irritated easily, always nice towards others. Yet due to things happening, I got mould into the person I am today. It aint a bad thing, as I guess it made me into someone not as naive and not easily con by others. 

Yawns

Time to sleep

Love,

Z

Perfectly Imperfect

Hi there,

Its been a long day yesterday and today! Thats the reason why I havent been blogging! My brain is just a little too tired to think of anything much.. lets just make do with whatever that comes out of my mind ya?

So anyway, being not so good at most of the things made me realize that its ok to be perfectly imperfect. At the end of the day, everyone is good at something, and we just need to take time to realize and explore our hidden talents. And I guess, most importantly always to hold on to beliefing in oneself.

Theres always ups and downs in life, and also goods and bads. I guess its all about perspectives isnt it?

Goodnight all, hope all is well

Love,
Z

Expression of Feelings

Expressing feelings and communication. I think they're really not the same thing. I wish that I could say how Im not comfortable with that lack of information. Especially about things happening in life. I dont expect for that constant messaging 24/7 but I wish that I could know now and then whats happening in the day. Idk why but it just felt weird to me. That I totally have no idea whats going on now and then. I wish you would know, or could put urself in this shoe and tell me if you'll be alright with it. If I work and after work and all I dont communicate with you, or tell you about my day or my whereabouts. Or how I am having off day at home and I dont reply you and you have no idea what Im doing. How would you have felt then? 

Maybe Im just having one of those moods, or maybe its finally the time where I find that it doesnt feel right. I just really dont know, and I cant help feeling like that. That maybe you didn't care enough to let me know about yourself. Maybe your love isn't what it seem to be. Doubts will kill me. Yes it will. 

I wish I could tell you all these shit Im feeling. But I just dont want to be that unreasonable kind of girl. 

Love,

Z

Writing

Hi there everybody!

It's 7pm right now, and here I am sitting and wondering what I should do.

Let's have a glimpse of how had my day went. As usual, I woke up in bed this morning and the first thing I do would be to take a look at my phone. I guess this is probably a bad habit, yet something that's pretty legit. Nowadays, whenever we check the time, we'll most likely look at the phone instead of other gadgets used for telling the time. Why is it a bad habit to look at the phone first thing in the morning? Well, because I will be practically spending the next 20 or 30 minutes, or even 1 hour just lying in bed and browsing through the social networks and internet. I guess there should be something done differently here eh?

Anyway, I quickly woke up only when I heard small aunt entering the house. It's the usual end of week routine where she'll drop by to mop. Somehow, I can't help but feel bad or guilty that small aunt is mopping instead of myself. I ought to do something about that I guess. Sometimes I still wonder if I'm doing things right, or if I'm doing things properly. Am I being appreciative, grateful, and aware of the things all around me? I don't wish to end up being someone that doesn't feel welcome at home. It still has that effect on me.. Staying at other relative's house and wondering if I'm interrupting their lives, whether I should actually be back home to stay or not.. Well let's just not worry too much and put that aside for awhile.

So I haven't been exercising for the week, and thought it'll be nice to finally get my butt down to the pool for a swim. Guess what, the weather is so cloudy and I just hate the thought of making the long way to the pool just to end up seeing the lightning risk alert. <> So anyway, I was getting all lazy and ready to just be a potato couch, watching that 10:30-12:30 drama, when I received a text from Meinv mother asking if I would like to join her at the gym. I'm so glad that I went along to join the gym session as I won't feel like an extremely lazy ass. 

Nothing much happened in the afternoon and I just did my usual stuff like playing my game and just letting time slip by! But then again, I guess I did something good! I tried doodling using that calligraphy marker, but it turns out that the calligraphy marker isn't at all that easy to use! Guess practice makes perfect! The picture of what I doodled is right at my instagram!

Lover Sam is so busy at work today that he barely reply my messages. ): Sometimes, the fear and doubt of love inevitably result in the feeling of walls building up around myself. I guess it still does take time to realize what I will truly want, time to truly understand myself and life in a better light. I didnt do any reading today, and my day just went by in such a typical way. Oh anyways I packed up that little corner in the house that I've messed up. Teehee.

Here's a quote for the day:

"Your life is your story, write it well!"

and here's cheering to (hopefully) the continuous writing of my life in a more positive and interesting way.

Hope all is well for everyone!

Love,
Z

Hey July

It's been a month since I bid farewell to the physical form of Zuella. Time seem to be flying off really fast. Thinking back, I dont even recall what I did for the past one month. Or ever since I'm done with writing of my essays.

It's been more than one month of blocking much stuff out of my life. Referring to the things that I wish to be doing.. Yupp and that I'm actually referring to painting and doing some art stuff, or reading and writing about feelings and thoughts and life.

I can't really remember when was the last time I constantly inspire myself. Well, recently I did try to feel something in my heart and soul, but that inspiration was kind of short-lived...

Guess it's always better to talk about things whenever it comes to my mind. Well, I downloaded that blogger App on that OPPO phone of mine, but it doesnt work as well as the blogger App on my Ipod. BOOOO.

Anyway today, a long lost friend actually chat with me.. Some of you would have known who this person is... But anyway, that isn't important.. I found out that he isn't with Mel anymore, and being the curious Zihui, I asked him what happened between them. And so he didn't say much but mentioned that feelings fade so leading to the breakup.

Upon hearing that, I felt sad for Mel that she have to experience such shit. Because, I totally can understand that ' feelings faded ' shit. Although Eugene was my friend more than Mel was, I totally felt bad for Mel that she have to experience such thing about love. And for Eugene, I just couldn't believe that he actually broke Mel's heart. Well, I just wish him all the best. I was really lucky that I didn't fall for him when I was in Secondary school. At least I stuck to my own feelings, and right now I'm really glad to have met someone like Sam. Least not a playboy.

Anyway, I was so lazy the whole day until I made myself to go out to buy some stuff.  And I bought this Calligraphy marker! Hahahaha! Let's do some lettering writing soon! I really do miss Zuella so much, remember how we went to buy art stuff together and walk around the 3 malls at Tampines together. I still wish she was still alive, but I think I should look forward, knowing that someday we'll all see her again in Heaven.

Love,
Z

Been long

It's been a long while since I last had any inspiration to write. Guess I've forgotten how it felt like to just jote down the little things that is happening in my life and the little things I feel. It's been some time since Zuella has gone to somewhere better. Maybe telling myself that she've went somewhere really really far would be easier to cope than thinking that she's gone...

Well, let's not talk about the sad things....

How about describing the day?

I woke up early at 6plus as I'm gonna get to the Airport with Sam's parents to send him off to Krabi! After all the things that happened all around, I thought that I ought to care more for the people that I love. Small little things like sending off to the airport to wish a smooth travel. Then after a breakfast tgt with Sam and parents, I went off to gym with meinv mother!

Omg im so lazy to blog anymore.

I'll try harder the next time...

Love,
Z

One of those past

Even bowling was one of those past.

It was once upon a time that I still played not too bad.

I really lost my gripe with bowling now. Remember how my partor last time used to have bowling now and then. My first date in a bowling alley, etc. Its not a past that I think of... just its those photos that I still remember in my head. Those photos of me playing bowling... hahaa. All of which deleted.

Playing bowling was like exams. Once upon a time I use to score well in school. Then it all fell in poly. Haha..

Well time to sleep. Tomorrow will be good.

Love,
Z

Dear July

"The only time we're truly ourselves is when we're alone"

I find the simplicity in simple things, simple yet complex thinking. Erms right theres abit of contradictions right there...

June have been so full of everything. Travelling, fun, joy, laughter.
Not forgetting that lost faced.

As it always goes, life is too short... I still wish Zuella was here. I went to her house yesterday to take that card she did in december. Well, it definitely brought me to more tears as I read about our future hopes and dreams together. A friendship that would've been developed even deeper as we walk into our future. The saddest part is to realize that there isnt a future with "us" physically together anymore.

Anyway along with the quote I put at the start of this post, I always enjoy those solitude journey taken by myself. Listening to music and feeling inspired by quotes I read.

Awwwww im too tired to write more.... till another day eh?

Love always,
Z