When darkness moves in closer to us.

Well, dear friends, its been a long 2 weeks for me.

Truth to be told, coming all the way here is really tough. I've never ever felt so sad and weak from time to time in my life. Although I am not FAR away from SG, I'm still away, coping on this island. Coping with work, coping with life. and also coping from being judged by people. I came with a friend that will adapt to people around him, that knows how to judge people. He have been telling me that I should change the way I behave around different people. But I came to realise that I dont care what others think about me. I just want to be myself. It's like being Ms. Clauderlene(my marketing teacher).

Anyway, let me tell all of you something. I'm actually really sad that I'm here and really miss all the things in Singapore. During my third day in Langkawi, I actually came back home after the SUPER heavy rain day, and sat in my room and cried uncontrollably. Nobody knows except for Jinson. Because I feel so afraid that I suddenly cry. that is how much I've missed everything back home. But it's only that day that I cried.

During work, sometimes, when my Resort Assistant Manager talks to me about my confidence, I feel like crying too. I felt that I've let others expectations of me down. I didnt live up to what I can be. It's just so sad that I'm not showing my best and giving my best which I know I'm capable off. that first time, I held on tight, and held back my tears. I told myself to be strong.

and just yesterday, I shamefully cried in front of my Resort Assistant Manager. I lost control of myself.

Recently, was the most stressful 2 weeks at work. Reason being that my "Buddy" isn't working because there were some issues. And apparently, my buddy was terminated from work.

Initially we were all waiting to see what will really happen. but yesterday, we got the final result.

It was really sad for me to know that my buddy wont be there anymore because he always takecare of me at work. He will make sure that I'm not being left alone at the counter because I'm a trainee. and he will constantly ask if anyone bully me. and he will ask if everything is alright.

It suddenly feel like everything is so different and nobody will be there to look out for me. haix. but im glad i have my other colleagues like Aika. she's really cute and funny and nice.

anw i cried at work because people treated me like a fool. i hate it when people does that. This director of F&B actually came and ask me to make booking for a restaurant. it made me feel puzzled because he is in the F&B department. I know it is my fault that it didnt occur to me that the restaurant is closed yesterday. but i was really stress at work. and everyone just come into my face all the time. coping with everything at one go? i really cant take it.

I've never felt so sad at work before I swear. maybe it's because im on a foreign island?

everything is just so different. the language barrier and everything. but who can i blame but myself?

All i can say is that I've realised that life is never ever going to be smooth. Its like we have to go against the wave before we can go with the wave and enjoy it.

Smile people, i hope i will be better when time comes. maybe its just period, the period mood swing, like i was suddenly unhappy and suddenly im sad. haix.

A story of Zihui

Hi there. 

I wanna say how thankful I am to haveall the friends that I've got. Especially those that makes the effort to meet me now and then. I can't say how thankful I am really. Even for those friends that I rarely meet.

Here's the story of myself.

On the way back from work today, I suddenly thought of all these that makes me swallow back my tears.

You know, zihui is a talkative girl. She can go on talking non stop. Well, I have this bad habit of getting too excited when I talk. I also have this bad habit of sometimes getting too excited that I don't pause when I talk. 

During all these while in langkawi, Navin mention that I have to control my way of talking to other people. Imagine i was serving guest and I got too excited to tell them things that I dont give them chance to talk. Bad habit. I am someone that can go on talking non stop. During all these while when I hang out with navin, sometimes he will go like 'shhhhhh' because its terrible that I talk n talk. Haha. Its not funny. I came to this point that I realised that not everyone can take the talkative zihui...

It makes me think about the friends I have. And I realise how fortunate I am to have friends that could tolerate my character and the way I am. 

This is why I'm really grateful for my family and relatives and the friends who could tolerate me(: you people allowed me to be myself(: never wanting to change who I really am. At this thought, I'm so touched that I feel like crying already. I don't think Jinson will be able to tolerate this talkative me. Maybe he can and maybe he cant. I guess time will tell. 

I will definitely let go of the people who cant let zihui be zihui. Because I know it is important to be myself and not change for others. Maybe being too talkative is my flaws. Maybe not. But it all lies in the hands of others. How they want to see me.

Im frighten to stop talking. There's this point of my life which I basically wont interact with people. Its the point when I'm in primary 3-6.... My class consist of only 7girls out of 40people. I have no friends from my P1&2. And I'm in a new environment. This friend I made, told me once that she doesnt want to be my friend because I was too talkative.. From then on, I stayed away from her and became a very very very quiet girl. Although in the end she is still my close friend in primary sch, the part of me being a very quiet girl didnt change at all.

I have friends telling me in secondary school that when I was in Primary sch, I ignored them when they talk to me or say hi to me. This is how quiet I am back then. 

It was until secondary school that I started becoming myself. I talk n talk and I didn't cared much about being myself. I became a very positive person in secondary school, my surrounding friends accepted me for who I am(i guess?) ..... I don't remembering myself being refrain from being who I am. Im thankful for the bunch of friends I made in secondary school really. 

I hope I wont drop into that dark hole of my life. I wish I wont. 

<3 zihui