Quality Time

I wish I could spend more time with my little cutie pie.

But it's always a race against time.

How would he ever understand, when he is currently the one spending time with her.

As I walk by myself on the street yesterday, having a mission to go and look for some work stuff.

Without my baby by my side, I suddenly felt like myself again.

Because without carrying a baby, that sudden identity of being a mother is not present.

Well, it doesnt feel like its present. I felt like my old self again, I thought about how my own biological mother would be feeling last time. How could she possibly choose to walk away, and choose the other path? Doesnt she feel weird without her own baby by her side? Because I definitely felt like a big part of me is suddenly missing. It finally dawn on me that I cannot live a life without my cutie pie by my side. Yet as we get absorb in this world, spending all your time with your child is impossible. Then I suddenly felt sad again, because I now can feel as a mother/parent, and I really don't understand how my mother could choose the other path. But I guess it's all fated. And also inevitable, because I already am growing up with my grandparents, and my mother no longer plays an important role in my life. It's like her presence is not needed, whenever she came back to visit me in the past.

I wish I have more time for my little one.
Because I hate to tell her
"Sorry baby, Mama is going to work/away for awhile"

Too much to take

After a holiday break,
one is suppose to feel well rested.

Indeed, it gave me the time off needed.

but what comes after this time off from work,
is coming back to an overwhelming amount of work on my desk

this felt too much to handle.

and as i sat amongst this mess, i felt like just zoning out away from all these.
it suddenly felt too overwhelming.

this job assigned to one person is too much. its not how it should be

i wish i could say quit again but i cant

hang on.
i need to hang on.
for my family.
its not as though im having a high paying job.

whyyyyy. this must be super underpaid. or maybe not the job for me....
till i post