Been a year

Well, I sat here by myself on a wednesday night thinking what should I blog about since Im free. Thought it'll be interesting to take a look back at my blog one year ago. And yupp I went & look. I had ridiculously blogged 3post 1year ago. Its so sad reading how I actually felt a year back. 

I once read something about how every singgle cell in your body will be replaced with new one every 7/8years. So every new day we should be striving for a better self, to feel better, greater. So something that hurt us will not be remembered or hurt as much anymore after 7/8years. 

A year ago , I held on to the hope of a relationship that has no light in the dark anymore. Realised that I could write poem with a heart that hurt so much & felt so much. Today, I see things differently & feels differently. Reading the letters, no doubt I understood & felt emotional for the things and people one year ago. Today, I no longer want to hold onto that bad part of my memory anymore. It still make me feel a little squashed up when I read that letter I wrote 1 year ago. For that was me. Was what I felt. Was what I went through. Was how I managed to pick myself up in that silly way. 

Been wanting to throw those letters away just like how I've deleted my email to him & the photos we had together long time ago. Truth is I've nvr thrown the letters because I wrote them, & felt that things written should be left inside my memory. Now I've decided that it shouldnt be kept anymore. 1 year had past, people had changed, moved on. Neither am I gonna stay that zihui that loves him anymore. I felt silly reading my letters wrote, & cant believe that feelings could really be dampen after time. & Im glad that time really healed me little by little. 

Last year's 28Jan, it was back to school after Internship. And I remembered struggling to walk to school & tearing otw to school. Remember how I swallowed that huge lump stuck in my throat because I felt like crying. Now, Im glad that was over. Glad how I didnt felt the things I once felt while writing that letter anymore. 

Love,

Z

Lost.

Never felt lost when doing a school assignment ever. This could be the most ridiculous stress that Im feeling now. Doing something thinking its the right way, then fearing that what I think is right could totally be downright wrong. Im fearful of the result of this essay. I wish someone could enlighten me about this damn subject.

A touch of memory.

Hi all,

I was bored & a little distracted & I went looking at my different projects done in my poly years. Those were the days of education. & I could just imagine how I'll still be thankful for this education in TP down the road. And I ponder upon this folder of picture collage. And there I saw him in it. That memory. Somehow it wont totally be gone. That collage I did was for my school art work. I rmb it. That Heart image full of faces of pple that somewhat play a role in my life. 

Without seeing that soft copy of collage, I would had forgotten having that image of him in a hard copy somewhere in one of my sketch book. Cant believe how its kept soundly & nicely somewhere. Maybe its meant to not be found by me last year. That sketch bk that I dug high & low for, to submit for uni entry.

Oh well, just happen to see a photo with memories flashing back! 

Now its back to work!

Love,

Z

Detach

Well,

Just came across this word detach, or rather the feeling of detach. Not exactly the way its been described in the dictionary. Maybe I'll explain in my own contradicting term?

That feeling of detach, its as if Im attach but having somethig missing. Its like Im in love & being love, yet Feeling theres something weird in it all. Okie enough of weird descriptions. 

So anyway I just felt like it somehow. I dont know how that word came about. How it came out of my mouth, but it just did. I felt like something is missing. And I couldnt describe how that really feels except for using the word detached.

It appears in my mind. About what makes up a relationship. What makes up the love I have with Samuel? What makes up our relationship? Whats in this 'Ship' for both of us? 

& I realized that no answers came to me. Have I ever thought about the elements of relationship? Nah I didnt think so. I guess maybe Im thinking too much. Maybe Im forgetting to be appreciative. Forgetting that less is more. Forgetting how simplicity is bliss. 

Its just this empty space of thought. Detached. Its this empty space of thought for the relationship. Feeling like theres this space thats empty. I couldnt decipher what is suppose to be filled in this space. 

Maybe Im living life a little too fast. Maybe its flying too fast. The time spent & not spent together. 

Love,

Z

Another day, another fight

Hi All,

So Im back to blogging I guess. Havent beeen writing in my personal diary, so I thought why not spend some time typing down here.

Another day another fight

It always feels like an uphill climb

Another step another mile

Story of your life

-Jason Castro-

I always find inspiration to carry on in my life through Jason Castro's song. Somehow his words gave me inspiration of what life is. Or rather how I felt about life.

Instead of being afraid of the quality of essay, or if I could finish them, I grab on to this piece of advice. 

Action cures fear

So anyway it was Samuel that told me that phrase. I will start the next semester better I swear. Anyway Im just gonna keep moving on till I finish them. 

Sometimes it still gets back to me. Wondering why did I get myself into this education path again. Somehow I just feel deep down that its that 'bridge' to fill up gaps of those time I spent idling my life. Its to get a touch of the hospitality industry again. Yupp that touch, small little touch of this industry will mean building myself a bridge. No matter what turns out for this studies, I'll face it in a positive light. 

Love,

Z

Never knew I'll be here

As year 2014 ends, I'm living the 2015 with that new feel & new thoughts. As much as I'm still finding myself, understanding what is it in life I'll really want. How I want to make my life out to be. 

Whole of last year, as I pick myself up, as I adapt to post poly life, as I try to idle my life to figure out parts of it. As I tried to learn something new ( e.g. Dressmaking ) . As I try to keep digging & finding how I should spend my time being a 20year old, I've came to realize that I just live it & go with the flow(which was what I've wanted). 

I realized that my formation of thought is really broken. I guess I havent been blogging. Damn Im lazy & nua to formulate my thoughts properly. 

So anyway, back to that photo that I've posted. I never came to realize until today that I really did miss that simple life in Langkawi. Yes, I have dreams. But that simple lifestyle really made me pause my life and ponder about how I'll wanna live my life. Today, I realized that I'm missing that simple lifestyle in Langkawi. I miss being literally on a tropical island. Working, being independent, exercising as and when. I knew that life makes me tired too. Tired of having NOTHING to do. I remember how I've missed the life in Singapore. 

Well, the grass is always greener on the other side. 

I was actually asking myself if I wanna study or work. Last year. That was the burning question. Whether I love studying or working more. 

Oh my goodness, I'm really tired right now, that I guess my thoughts are being a little everywhere. I should stop typing already. I wanna live my life & dream big. Dream. Artz. Photography. Travel. Live Laugh Love. Cherish & be grateful for all that I have. I wanna excel in the things Im doing right now. Most importantly I wanna learn. Be positive & embrace & have that open mind once again. The world is too big to know everything. 

Knowledge knowledge.

Love,

Z

Hello 2015

Hi everybody! 

So I hadnt finish my assignment! Even so, I decided that Im just gonna blog! Its 2015!!! 

Im so paiseh to LL! I was so busy that I forgot she flew off on friday last wk!!!! 

Anyway its finally a new year! Phew!!! A new start for this year! And I know everything will be great!!! Keep moving forward & keep smiling!!! Walk with that confidence and feel it inside the heart!! Yes we can do it!! 21 this year!!!!!!! It'll be great & fulfilling!!!

Love, 

Z