Squeezed Lemon?

Its not surprising that Im surprised at the amount of energy I still have in me to do the things I need to do for my baby rachy.

Just being able to stay awake a whole day feeding and feeding is a surprise for myself. At the end of the day, seeing her sleeping so soundly by herself gave me this huge relief and great sense of achievement -- that she could sleep soundly not on my shoulder.

Now that shes asleep, I can finally pat myself on the shoulder, say its a good job, and finally take my well deserving rest after a day of struggle... struggle of not being able to go to the toilet properly, of not being able to think about eating or drinking up properly. And I cant even step away for a bath today))): Its quite a struggle. The struggle of being mother for real.

Goodbye for now...

Better get my rest before she wakes again. Goodluck to myself. I need that a lot I realize. Need.

Amazed

its been a long while.

So anw as I was chatting with one of the lovelies today, I happened to go and take a look back at my old insta posts.

Somehow, I realized how fortunate I am to have found someone who loves me so much. That we decided to have that commitment of marriage.

Amazed at how I didnt have to ponder about the fear of ever changing decisions people make in love. Because of a man whom've shown me so much love, is how I started and unknowingly believed in the beauty of love again.

I guess I might not know what the future of life holds. But all I can do is cherish this moment I have now.

Thankful for the little things in life always.

Love,

Z

Religion

Today, I went to have dinner with mommy. And we're talking about religion. Everytime I never fail to hear mommy say this "buddhism is not a religion, its a way of life".

Sometimes I get confused with this statement as I dont really know what to say.... how can it not be a religion when it was an option to choose from whenever there are forms asking us to fill up whats our religion?

Well, I do know that buddhist teachings are a way of life. But I guess I looked deeper into the meaning or definition of religion to understand.

Well I can call myself a buddhist because religion can be defined to be "a particular system of faith and worship". I guess we call ourselves buddhist because we believe in the teachings of buddha.

I read that buddha doesnt want people to simply have faith in what he teaches, but evaluate by ourselves whether it is true or not.

Sometimes, I really do not know what is it about all these religions and stuff, but I guess someday I will be curious enough to find out for myself what I wanna have faith and beliefs in.

Love,
Z

It scares me

It scares me... that I couldnt complete my task without feeling tired halfway through. Like im gonna knock out right now. And my clothings are half kept n half folded. ):

Love,
Z

Quote of the day

"If you don't suffer the pain of hard work now, you will suffer the pain of regret later"

Sometimes, I don't know what is really my priority at this point of my life. Should I stress myself out? Or should I go ahead and take sufficient rest?

Who will really know how I truly feel physically and mentally? Rather, I wonder who would really understand this state that I'm in right now?

Sometimes it really feels difficult, to keep myself awake and energetic.

Seems like the last few months of pregnancy is kicking in.

I wish I could have that spark of energy in me everyday.

& not get so tired easily...

Love,
Z

Too Long Away

Hey yo,

It's been way too long since I've been away from this platform. I guess today is the lucky day whereby I have the mood and my computer is working well. (: Well, let me explain, my computer is officially around 5 to 6 years old? Seems like the cells in it are not functioning well anymore. Just like how when humans age, the cells in us might not function or recover that fast anymore.

Maybe it's time to change a blog skin for a new and different feel? Sometimes doesn't it feel that change in little things in your life can lead to a better change in other aspects of your life? Like maybe I will just be so motivated to plan about my own business idea or what-so-ever?

So what makes me have this engine to type a little bit more about life today?

Let's all say thanks to my cheeky lover for a start. Well, don't get confused there.. He isn't beside me right now, nor did he just gave me a talk about life that inspired me. He is right at work, while I was browsing through my computer and having a look at the glass igloo in Finland < Yayyyyyyy! I'm egg-cited about le Finland trip in early April >

So anyways, as usual, I was bored and looking at my lover's email to see if there is any reply from Lapland Welcome (a tour that we initially thought that we're gonna use). But anyway, just for fun, there wasn't any mails, so I went to click on this folder of "Heart matters" that I read in his email before. Last time I browsed it, I didn't like see the emails much. This time round, it was fun as I apologetically scroll through the chains of emails and took a peep into one of his past.


Well, looking at them was definitely interesting. I wonder if those days, do they have a more convenient way of communicating to each other rather than just emails. Yeap, they email to contact each other over like long distances. And I guess that is what made those  reading so much more interesting. When people send emails, they tend to type a little longer and talk with depth. Depth as in it is so much more meaningful kind of chat than our daily chats nowadays.

It's an interesting session reading, and it reminded me of those letters I took time to write in my past, and those emails that I've sent during my break up period. Well, although I certainly went to look through my email to read one of those letters that I wrote, I didn't read through all that I wrote.

How come I was able to spent time writing so much in the past? This I totally have no idea at all.

And why did I really stop writing about my own life at all? Sometimes, life just kind of suck me inside this vacuum of space where I sit by and do nothing. Maybe, I am doing something, but I don't have that urge to write so much about my life anymore.

As my life is just about to get really interesting this year, I guess I should really get back into writing, reading, art, love, laughter.


It's never too late to start on anything is it?

Love,
Zihui

Dearest lovelies, I hope that all of you have been doing well, figuring out life little by little. I know that your spaces on the blog has been stagnant for quite a long while too. I hope that somehow, all of us will be able to find inspiration and just be happy in life somehow. No matter what we face (:

Sleepy

Its almost a month after the wedding.

Time really flew by fast. And sometimes Im not too sure if Im adapting well. Im really sleepy right now, yet worried that didi the doggy at home will make a mess at home. Cannot sleep in peace.

Cant stop thinking about how hubz is gonna be away for like more than one week for that europe trip. How to be independent without lover at home for a week ? The thought of him leaving me and baby cheng for le europe trip doesnt feel nice. sigh, hubz leaving a pregnant wife at home for more than a week. Damn... wonder if I can live with that.

Maybe I must start going around by myself. To start not relying on hubz, that might be easier to get through that one week huuh? The thought of it makes me sad. But yet I must stay cheerful and happy for my baby.

Yawns* so sleepy right now, but nobody is taking over the "didi shift".... btw didi is the doggy at sam house....

Hahaha. Let me just wait until someone is back for le "didi shift"....

With love,
Z

Obliged

Thats the word ya. Obliged. Must have felt sad cos I felt that Im obliged to do something. While I cant even takecare of everything else yet.

It felt like I didnt have the time to stop and take a breather and think properly.

Why is life moving a little too fast?

Change.

That topic on change will always be something new or something similar.

Now what changes were there in 2016? Well, being married, having to tune into different thoughts n considerations.

Arent my big aunt right when she told me about how problem stays as a problem no matter how far I go away in distance, or maybe get married away?

Because right now, I really really do hate it still. That I couldnt come to peace with my own past. And this is making me feel so terrible n horrible even when I dont want to feel it. It isnt really a past to deal with, but more like reality. Because i've never had any solutions to this family thingy. Well so called "family". I just cant n dont wanna call it my "family". Who could really understand this? The way I felt? Being someone elses step child. Having to be a step sister, but act like a sister. Act.

Well the only thing I can happily accept is my father being my father.

Sometimes I feel sad that I could tell this to anyone. Because how would anyone really understand? That the truth is that I cant accept. And what pple might wan, is just for me to act like its all just "family" n nothing separated in my heart.