rmb I read that email in langkawi? Here you go, i know i shouldnt post this, but it's part of my memory to remind myself that he's not worthy of my heart anymore.
From: jinson
To: jinson
Subject: joy
Date: Tue, 22 Oct 2013 01:50:46 +0800
Hi joy you know it have been 5 or maybe more years since we broke up... I know in that relationship it was a short period of time. But I would like you to know that was my also my longest period of suffering I have in me...
I know back at that time I know our relationship would not last and and I have no time in both swimming and study. ... and unable to manage my studys .
I leave is not because I dont like you is more like I cant afford you. As your a girl that deserves better and I cant shower you with time and love like other couples .
But your 1st and true girl that I love or have my eyes set on....
Yes joy your my first. .. and for sure I know your the one. ..
The good funny sporty and cheerful and loving type of person that I love and like a lot. ..
If you have noticed for the past yellowray outings I have not been there because I am afraid to see you I am afraid I to tell you that joy I in love with you....
I am lost ...
I am afraid. ...
I have lost all the Trust and everything
I know I broke your heart and trust
I felt usless I felt like I can't do anything. ..
I did consider you as my good or best best friend so that I can keep you beside me.. and be there for you when your down...
Yes joy I try...
But fail... Because you have a bf name sky.
So we drift and I waited. ... and waited. ..
And while waiting something stupid came to my mind.. hey carry on with your life man... why still care for joy or wait... go find a girl... so I go find one and I think you know that girl name carlyn ...
1st off all I force myself to like another girl but it was unless and stupid.things never work out and before I know it it was my o level...
So I forcus and study hard and hope you get to the same sch as I know your bro is in tp....
An again I waited. .. but this time another girl step in my life .it was zihui I try to find another girl that is similar to you. Funny and have all the quality you have. .. but it never seems right. ...
Things never work out because I wasn't happy and the wait was too long.... and there is a chance you will never come tp or even chat with you....
You know I felt so happy amd bless every time there is swimming competition at sports sch... Because I know joy would try to come down to the pool and support me or at least say hi to me....
You know that feeling is so happy. ... wait is more then happy. ... is more like over the moon.
( the girl that I love is here wow )
Soon the next moment I know I see you in tp pool swimming. ...
I was so happy because I know you will be coming here. ..
I tell myself hey I must learn to do tri.
I must get a bicycle I must learm to run long distance at east coast
I must learn to exell well....
Yes I train by myself...
I run 3 times a week every day about 20km...
Yes thats crazy but I am motivated. ..
I know joy would be happy and proud if I can do a sports that she is good at and even take part competition with her.. thats so cool...
I start talking about bicycle to you... I start min conversation with you...
I try. ..
But some how the joy that I know is missing. ...
I feel that it have been so long that I don't even know you... I dont even know if you have change or love or like any guys...
I don't even know the now current joy .
Who am I to say that I love her ?
No right ?
I HAVE been wasting my time hoping and waiting to say hi joy I would like to know you better..
Seems so hard .... to just to tell you...
I guess you have meet someone nice and caring for you or even have a eye candy on.
But all this does not matter to me any more. ..
I have to stop running and face the fact. Time is running out and I know there is not much time for me to waste so why not say and die without any regret.
If your reading this message means the jinson yap laying there have no guts to tell you that he love you.
Sorry joy for running away from you it have been a long and tiring journey for me.
I wish you all the best in your future and please smile...
I will miss your smile. ..
Lastly ..
Hi joy can I be your friend to know you better ?
I know back at that time I know our relationship would not last and and I have no time in both swimming and study. ... and unable to manage my studys .
I leave is not because I dont like you is more like I cant afford you. As your a girl that deserves better and I cant shower you with time and love like other couples .
But your 1st and true girl that I love or have my eyes set on....
Yes joy your my first. .. and for sure I know your the one. ..
The good funny sporty and cheerful and loving type of person that I love and like a lot. ..
If you have noticed for the past yellowray outings I have not been there because I am afraid to see you I am afraid I to tell you that joy I in love with you....
I am lost ...
I am afraid. ...
I have lost all the Trust and everything
I know I broke your heart and trust
I felt usless I felt like I can't do anything. ..
I did consider you as my good or best best friend so that I can keep you beside me.. and be there for you when your down...
Yes joy I try...
But fail... Because you have a bf name sky.
So we drift and I waited. ... and waited. ..
And while waiting something stupid came to my mind.. hey carry on with your life man... why still care for joy or wait... go find a girl... so I go find one and I think you know that girl name carlyn ...
1st off all I force myself to like another girl but it was unless and stupid.things never work out and before I know it it was my o level...
So I forcus and study hard and hope you get to the same sch as I know your bro is in tp....
An again I waited. .. but this time another girl step in my life .it was zihui I try to find another girl that is similar to you. Funny and have all the quality you have. .. but it never seems right. ...
Things never work out because I wasn't happy and the wait was too long.... and there is a chance you will never come tp or even chat with you....
You know I felt so happy amd bless every time there is swimming competition at sports sch... Because I know joy would try to come down to the pool and support me or at least say hi to me....
You know that feeling is so happy. ... wait is more then happy. ... is more like over the moon.
( the girl that I love is here wow )
Soon the next moment I know I see you in tp pool swimming. ...
I was so happy because I know you will be coming here. ..
I tell myself hey I must learn to do tri.
I must get a bicycle I must learm to run long distance at east coast
I must learn to exell well....
Yes I train by myself...
I run 3 times a week every day about 20km...
Yes thats crazy but I am motivated. ..
I know joy would be happy and proud if I can do a sports that she is good at and even take part competition with her.. thats so cool...
I start talking about bicycle to you... I start min conversation with you...
I try. ..
But some how the joy that I know is missing. ...
I feel that it have been so long that I don't even know you... I dont even know if you have change or love or like any guys...
I don't even know the now current joy .
Who am I to say that I love her ?
No right ?
I HAVE been wasting my time hoping and waiting to say hi joy I would like to know you better..
Seems so hard .... to just to tell you...
I guess you have meet someone nice and caring for you or even have a eye candy on.
But all this does not matter to me any more. ..
I have to stop running and face the fact. Time is running out and I know there is not much time for me to waste so why not say and die without any regret.
If your reading this message means the jinson yap laying there have no guts to tell you that he love you.
Sorry joy for running away from you it have been a long and tiring journey for me.
I wish you all the best in your future and please smile...
I will miss your smile. ..
Lastly ..
Hi joy can I be your friend to know you better ?
Indeed wasnt I speechless and shock when I read this? When I found out the real reason why his heart couldnt stay? It's right, its the past that he didnt let go. I thought cycling is just a hobby, i thought running is what he does to stay healthy. What hurt most was how happy he is when he know she's coming TP. I was just taken aback by what he really feels. When I read this, I did embarassing things that well all of you couldnt believe Zihui would do that. I went to change his FB password, and copied the whole email and sent to that girl. I just feel so pathetic for him that he is sending it to himself. I know I shouldnt had read his email without his consent. Neither should I send that thing on his behalf. I was selfish. I wanna know if they're meant to be. I wanna know what that girl thinks. But little did i know i was just being immature. My act was immature. Because I drag that girl into complication. I didnt mean it, I just wasnt on my right mind that time.
But I guess, I did him a favor. To send something that has been on his shoulder for so many yrs. Maybe I was too much, maybe I've done him a great favor. But honestly, if both of them end up together, I'll wish them happiness and even be happy for him that he is finally with the Right Girl.
If someday he found true happiness, I wont be sad. Rather I'll be happy that I didnt let go for nothing. Maybe in years to come, I'll forget how much I used to love him. He'll still be someone I care in my heart I guess, because love nvr dies right? But I know, that I should really really forget him already. I wish I could forget how much I really adore that person as a whole.
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