This & That

I guess all of you will be wondering who is in this photo. Well, it's the people I met in Langkawi(: How sweet this photo looks? They're people that made me believe that true love exist still(: 

Work

Anyway recently I've been working. And damn I have to adapt to working with different people again. I miss 'poko pang' master - hafizah. Those days where work is boring and fun with her. Where we ordered pizza hut during work secretly. HAHAHAHA.

Life

Sometimes, I wish that I could be a child really. I hate the fact that we're all suppose to grow up and face everything. It's really painful. I really want to face this life happily, but sometimes I realize that I couldn't. I couldn't be happy about everything in my family too. Bad thoughts comes to my mind sometimes. I wish I could be happy, but then those memories of what happened at home is just not something to be happy about. 

People

I know people changes all the time. The thought of people coming in and out still isn't a nice feeling. Sometimes I still couldnt figure out why I've met different people in my life. I truly wonder I could live a life long enough, who are those that are really gonne stay all the way till the end with me? Im really afraid, of people going. Family, friends. I guess it's ok that people step away and change and be gone. But the scariest thing is when they're really truly gone. Till today I still cant get over the fact that my grandpa and godfather is gone in this world. 

I'll rmb that day looking at my grandpa in his death bed. I wish he's still here. I remember that he promised me that he'll be here for me, that if anyone bullies me, he'll be here to help me. I do not have to be scared about anything with my grandpa here. I still feel touched that a man with dementia could remember me, and still worries about me. I miss my grandpa)': When I feel lost, I always wished that he could be here to advice me on what I should do. Sometimes, I wish I could go back to my nursery days, where I'll sit beside him at night watching TV and chatting with him while he drink his beer. I remember my grandpa telling me that he's gonna die, and I just didnt want to think about it. I wish I was mature enough to talk to my grandpa and hear him talk about things in life. I was too young. 

Then there's my godfather. That meal that never did happen for all of us. I wish i hadnt get so consumed with my poly life. Wish that I'd taken time out to arrange for a meet up with them. I wish I had returned that Miss Call. It was when I see him in his coffin, that I realize shit, this man is really gone. That I'll never ever see him again. It hurts really, that he wont be opening his eyes anymore or wont be there to smile at me anymore. 

When people are truly gone, that really hurts. My regret.

Love,

Z

Dear Nice Cool L, maybe you'll see this, maybe you won't. I know I've said my 'Thanks' but then I didn't reply what you said to me. And I know maybe somethings were just meant to be received without giving back. Just like your words of encouragement. Well, I feel really shock and didn't know what to say when I saw that Long Text you typed. Well I was touched. But not to that extend that I'm touched till I'll cry. Haha! Well, I know I shouldn't think that Im not good enough for anyone anymore. But i have reason for saying that. Maybe it's just another silly reason of mine, but I know Im nice and I will meet someone in the future just for me. It wont be easy when the time comes. I guess nothing's ever gonna be easy in life. And I just want to say that thanks for being appreciative of those little care and concern. It's a shock to me when you let me into that little bit of ur thoughts. Like what you think. So anyway, no we dont often get that text from people showing that little bit of care and concern all the time. Those little concern and care frm people makes one happy, thats something real, i'll smile at those little things too. Well its true you're here to distract me away frm falling into that deep hole right now. But it's really a scary thing because I know that someday you'll be gone somehow. When the time comes, I hope i wont fall into those memories again. Like you said, some friendship are seasonal. No matter if you'll rmb me or not in your future, i'll just want to say that I won't forget a person like you. And of cos I'll be here hoping that you've got the best for yourself in your life(: Dont forget to find Happiness(: Thank you. I wont stop saying thank you I guess. Haha