I promise this is the last time I blog this month. It's been a bumpy ride ever since I was back in Singapore. Right now, I'm trying to get my brain unblocked from typing away that personal statement for SIT application. And I know all of you lovelies out there are facing all those big issues with your life too. Don't we all just have that different problems that we couldn't face or solve from time to time? I could say that I'm now better at understanding those sadness that all of you are facing. I use to stick to that positive thoughts, and put away the negatives. But somehow, my feelings are more exposed now, which I kind of hate it. I wish to be numb from feeling anything again.
And somehow I could already feel it, feel how this year is gonna be over. We're almost half way pass this year. One Quarter of 2014 is almost gone I could say. I guess I finally know why Thohir could never be that happy self again. He once told me how he use to be so happy and positive about life. Then TADA, things changes all around him, his heart got damaged again and again. All I could see about him was a guy in that river of sorrow. He fell too deep and he can't seem to swim out. I tried to encourage him to swim to that river of happiness instead, and I know he didn't.
Somehow, I could finally understand that kind of feeling. Because I couldn't find that Pistachio(in Chi) Zihui 3 years ago. I searched deep enough and I realized that person is gone. That person that use to glow with happiness in face of this reality seems to had faded into distance. I'm tired of searching for that girl because I don't know where to find her. Yes that someone who said I became very skeptical about life was right. I've changed. Growing up is a great pain.
What happened to being Happy and just Going with that Flow?
I think I'm swimming against that flow right now, and I'm tired (maybe because my body feels tired,HAHA im such a joke).
Goodbye,
Z
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