Squeezed Lemon?

Its not surprising that Im surprised at the amount of energy I still have in me to do the things I need to do for my baby rachy.

Just being able to stay awake a whole day feeding and feeding is a surprise for myself. At the end of the day, seeing her sleeping so soundly by herself gave me this huge relief and great sense of achievement -- that she could sleep soundly not on my shoulder.

Now that shes asleep, I can finally pat myself on the shoulder, say its a good job, and finally take my well deserving rest after a day of struggle... struggle of not being able to go to the toilet properly, of not being able to think about eating or drinking up properly. And I cant even step away for a bath today))): Its quite a struggle. The struggle of being mother for real.

Goodbye for now...

Better get my rest before she wakes again. Goodluck to myself. I need that a lot I realize. Need.

Amazed

its been a long while.

So anw as I was chatting with one of the lovelies today, I happened to go and take a look back at my old insta posts.

Somehow, I realized how fortunate I am to have found someone who loves me so much. That we decided to have that commitment of marriage.

Amazed at how I didnt have to ponder about the fear of ever changing decisions people make in love. Because of a man whom've shown me so much love, is how I started and unknowingly believed in the beauty of love again.

I guess I might not know what the future of life holds. But all I can do is cherish this moment I have now.

Thankful for the little things in life always.

Love,

Z

Religion

Today, I went to have dinner with mommy. And we're talking about religion. Everytime I never fail to hear mommy say this "buddhism is not a religion, its a way of life".

Sometimes I get confused with this statement as I dont really know what to say.... how can it not be a religion when it was an option to choose from whenever there are forms asking us to fill up whats our religion?

Well, I do know that buddhist teachings are a way of life. But I guess I looked deeper into the meaning or definition of religion to understand.

Well I can call myself a buddhist because religion can be defined to be "a particular system of faith and worship". I guess we call ourselves buddhist because we believe in the teachings of buddha.

I read that buddha doesnt want people to simply have faith in what he teaches, but evaluate by ourselves whether it is true or not.

Sometimes, I really do not know what is it about all these religions and stuff, but I guess someday I will be curious enough to find out for myself what I wanna have faith and beliefs in.

Love,
Z

It scares me

It scares me... that I couldnt complete my task without feeling tired halfway through. Like im gonna knock out right now. And my clothings are half kept n half folded. ):

Love,
Z

Quote of the day

"If you don't suffer the pain of hard work now, you will suffer the pain of regret later"

Sometimes, I don't know what is really my priority at this point of my life. Should I stress myself out? Or should I go ahead and take sufficient rest?

Who will really know how I truly feel physically and mentally? Rather, I wonder who would really understand this state that I'm in right now?

Sometimes it really feels difficult, to keep myself awake and energetic.

Seems like the last few months of pregnancy is kicking in.

I wish I could have that spark of energy in me everyday.

& not get so tired easily...

Love,
Z

Too Long Away

Hey yo,

It's been way too long since I've been away from this platform. I guess today is the lucky day whereby I have the mood and my computer is working well. (: Well, let me explain, my computer is officially around 5 to 6 years old? Seems like the cells in it are not functioning well anymore. Just like how when humans age, the cells in us might not function or recover that fast anymore.

Maybe it's time to change a blog skin for a new and different feel? Sometimes doesn't it feel that change in little things in your life can lead to a better change in other aspects of your life? Like maybe I will just be so motivated to plan about my own business idea or what-so-ever?

So what makes me have this engine to type a little bit more about life today?

Let's all say thanks to my cheeky lover for a start. Well, don't get confused there.. He isn't beside me right now, nor did he just gave me a talk about life that inspired me. He is right at work, while I was browsing through my computer and having a look at the glass igloo in Finland < Yayyyyyyy! I'm egg-cited about le Finland trip in early April >

So anyways, as usual, I was bored and looking at my lover's email to see if there is any reply from Lapland Welcome (a tour that we initially thought that we're gonna use). But anyway, just for fun, there wasn't any mails, so I went to click on this folder of "Heart matters" that I read in his email before. Last time I browsed it, I didn't like see the emails much. This time round, it was fun as I apologetically scroll through the chains of emails and took a peep into one of his past.


Well, looking at them was definitely interesting. I wonder if those days, do they have a more convenient way of communicating to each other rather than just emails. Yeap, they email to contact each other over like long distances. And I guess that is what made those  reading so much more interesting. When people send emails, they tend to type a little longer and talk with depth. Depth as in it is so much more meaningful kind of chat than our daily chats nowadays.

It's an interesting session reading, and it reminded me of those letters I took time to write in my past, and those emails that I've sent during my break up period. Well, although I certainly went to look through my email to read one of those letters that I wrote, I didn't read through all that I wrote.

How come I was able to spent time writing so much in the past? This I totally have no idea at all.

And why did I really stop writing about my own life at all? Sometimes, life just kind of suck me inside this vacuum of space where I sit by and do nothing. Maybe, I am doing something, but I don't have that urge to write so much about my life anymore.

As my life is just about to get really interesting this year, I guess I should really get back into writing, reading, art, love, laughter.


It's never too late to start on anything is it?

Love,
Zihui

Dearest lovelies, I hope that all of you have been doing well, figuring out life little by little. I know that your spaces on the blog has been stagnant for quite a long while too. I hope that somehow, all of us will be able to find inspiration and just be happy in life somehow. No matter what we face (:

Sleepy

Its almost a month after the wedding.

Time really flew by fast. And sometimes Im not too sure if Im adapting well. Im really sleepy right now, yet worried that didi the doggy at home will make a mess at home. Cannot sleep in peace.

Cant stop thinking about how hubz is gonna be away for like more than one week for that europe trip. How to be independent without lover at home for a week ? The thought of him leaving me and baby cheng for le europe trip doesnt feel nice. sigh, hubz leaving a pregnant wife at home for more than a week. Damn... wonder if I can live with that.

Maybe I must start going around by myself. To start not relying on hubz, that might be easier to get through that one week huuh? The thought of it makes me sad. But yet I must stay cheerful and happy for my baby.

Yawns* so sleepy right now, but nobody is taking over the "didi shift".... btw didi is the doggy at sam house....

Hahaha. Let me just wait until someone is back for le "didi shift"....

With love,
Z

Obliged

Thats the word ya. Obliged. Must have felt sad cos I felt that Im obliged to do something. While I cant even takecare of everything else yet.

It felt like I didnt have the time to stop and take a breather and think properly.

Why is life moving a little too fast?

Change.

That topic on change will always be something new or something similar.

Now what changes were there in 2016? Well, being married, having to tune into different thoughts n considerations.

Arent my big aunt right when she told me about how problem stays as a problem no matter how far I go away in distance, or maybe get married away?

Because right now, I really really do hate it still. That I couldnt come to peace with my own past. And this is making me feel so terrible n horrible even when I dont want to feel it. It isnt really a past to deal with, but more like reality. Because i've never had any solutions to this family thingy. Well so called "family". I just cant n dont wanna call it my "family". Who could really understand this? The way I felt? Being someone elses step child. Having to be a step sister, but act like a sister. Act.

Well the only thing I can happily accept is my father being my father.

Sometimes I feel sad that I could tell this to anyone. Because how would anyone really understand? That the truth is that I cant accept. And what pple might wan, is just for me to act like its all just "family" n nothing separated in my heart.

Relationship

Trust. Confidence. Assurance.

Why is it that I always dream of weird stuff. And it will bother me.

Why is it that I always need some sort of assurance and understanding of the way pple feel to make me trust fully?

Why does it seem that im given so much more love than I can ever feel but I still have issue with confidence and trust in my partner or relationship?

Did that statement of my excolleague really really reflects on the scars of life?

I remember how she ask me if I will ever fully trust a guy in a future relationship. And I answer that isnt a full 100% trust necessary for a healthy and strong relationship? I remember how she shakes a head and say that because of what happened to me in the past, I will never ever be able to trust a man 100%.

Its a statement that made me fear about love. About whether I can find true love again. Whether I could love another perosn the same way or even more than how it used to be in the past.

I never did ask anyone or discuss about the different feelings you put in different relationships. Hence, I will never understand the difference of love in different relationship.

Its hard to understand myself sometimes. The reaction I have, or the thoughts that are going through my mind.

Am I some idiotic insecure woman?

Damn does my future feel uncertain if I really am feeling like that. Because then I will be doubting about alot of stuff & needing so much assurance from my partner.

What good does it do to me?

Trust is like the most basic of relationship.

Would that love I feel really outweigh all the fears that might creep into my head and body once in a blue moon?

Sigh. I wish I wasnt an overthinker. But I really am one.

Job

At often times, we hear people talking about doing what you love. As in, to get a job in a subject that you're interested in. Because deep down, we all know that without passion, doing anything will burn our souls slowly.

I felt like I can breathe, yet truly overly stress over things that I don't really think I have real true passion over.

"Happiness is not in doing what one likes, but liking what one does"

So much for putting up such quotes to motivate or inspire me everyday. What I'm doing right now everyday at work, I felt like I'm getting burnt by it.

Well, they'll all say that it takes time. Getting to know your job and getting to do well in your job takes time. Yet, I felt like I'm kind of drowning so ever slowly. It's like I stand on the pause motion and ask myself if this is what I truly want to do with my life.

Time will tell.

But does it really? Do we really wait till time to be gone, to decide if we've spent our days right? Right as in doing what we really want to do?

Step out of your comfort zone so that you'll grow.

No doubt I am stepping out of my comfort zone with all the new task on hand, just its overwhelming...

How do we even start using such word? Overwhelming? Is it really overwhelming? Or is it just that I couldn't manage my time well? or I am just not organised enough. Right now, I really do not want to think so much. I need to rest. If this keeps going on, I don't think I will be able to take it any longer):

Driving me crazy

I've never felt like this before. That mind that couldn't settle. And sitting down or just waiting to be on the way home. That journey by myself with my music makes me want to just break down and cry.

Crying is not a sign of weakness.
It could be a sign that you've been strong for too long
or
It could be a sign that you're alive.


I couldn't help it. I just listen to those songs, and it felt like I could scream those songs or just cry and feel relief instantly. I don't know if anyone ever felt like that. I wish there's someone being a listening ear here for me. Just listening to me talking about how I can't take it anymore, and let me finish crying, so that I would feel better.

Why is it difficult? Work isn't a difficult thing isn't it?

I tried, tried to know the importance to keep my things organised. To sort things out. To make sure that I consolidate my learning. But the fact is that everything just keeps coming into my face like it showing me/ telling me how "Work is endless".

It's just too overwhelming, like its swallowing me up. Like whenever I leave the work place, and leave that state of mind there, I realize that work kind of made me feel so damn overwhelm just as I step out of it to think for a moment.

When Im at work, I can hardly feel that overwhelming feeling. Because I'm just swarm into that madness. Madness of not being able to cope properly.

Stepping away from the office makes everything, all the feelings come rolling in.

Rolling in like I can just let my distress tears flow.

I have to stay strong, stay positive.

Because it wont rain forever. And I gotta put up with the rain to enjoy the rainbow.

Love,
Z
I could hardly breathe

Phobia

Its time for sleep, yet that throbbing headache kept me awake and thinking.

Well phobia. Its like not that serious but I believe this kind of phobia exist.

I dont grow up with pets at home. Cant deny that at one point if my life, I wanted to have puppy at home cos they're just so cute. But then cos of religion, we learn that animals should have their freedom.

Rmb how this topic was an almost issue in my past relationship too. When we talk about future, and the other party said that he wanna have a pet. And what I said was that have pet then dun have baby. Cos bringing up a pet is like bringing up a baby. Who have the time to look after so many "kids"?

I came to be more brave towards animals like doggy because of my bestfriend. I went to her house and there happy was. All lively and excited when seeing strangers. And I just have no choice but to face my fear everytime I go to her house. For I couldnt kick happy away isnt it. I rmb how navin was scared of animals and he said he kicked his friend's dog because it was his natural reaction when the dog approach him.

Its like a phobia that no one really understands, except for those that knows of.

Idk what to do. Yet theres no point stressing over. Because the person close to me wont really get me. Sigh

Blinking fast

In a blink of an eye, its the fourth week into this new job. Time will fly fast and months will be gone fast. Lets just hope that I enjoy every little moment and make them count in many little ways.

Feels abit bloated today. Dont know is it them menses or is it that I ate too full for dinner. But anw I wash the clothings and hung them. Hurray. Lucky granny didnt do the laundry. Here I have, those opportunities to help out. Anw time to sleep.

Today lover drop by my work place and pick me up after work(((: really happy to see him even just for a little while(((:

Coincidence

Guess what everyone?

I mean this isnt important much. But its still something interesting worth writing. A thought that I never knew I would've been able to know.

Today, after work, everything didnt really go the way it should. Im suppose to end work on time and rush back to tampines and catch a movie with cuzzie. But I ended up leaving work a little later than usual, and ending up not travelling back for a movie.

Went to meet le lover for dinner(: isnt it nice that we had lunch together and then dinner too? Its such a rare and lovely day. After dinner, we parted our own ways as we've got some stuff to do.

Went my way back. And zoom to the coincidence. Well, I saw him. After all these time, I actually saw him. Like really saw him standing right in front of my eyes. I've nvr thought that I would see him again. And during those time of being in that deep hole, I've imagined bumping into him somewhere I wouldnt wanna be.

It might have been those times that I've taught myself how to embrace such situation. But when it really did happen, it was another story as a whole. I cant believe that I was brave enough to stand in front of him and not avoid or run away. I guess I must have grown up and learn how to face things better now. I wanted to just be awkward and find myself a corner and ignore his existence. Yet I handled it in a mature way. Saying hi and all, and actually holding a normal conversation like we're just a long lost friend.

Conversations went on, and Im glad I survived that. He said that its fate, and in my mind, im thinking about I believe in fate---- fate that I have with Sam. Fate that I didnt have a long relationship with JS. We're still the same in some ways, yet so slightly different.

It was even more shocking when he came out of the train station and came after me just to apologize for the things he did to me.

I guess I finally got that closure that I wish to have. This is more than just a mere coincidence. Yet I wouldnt call it fate.

Fate is the way I meet Sam, and our everyday together and in the future(((:

Cant believe I was brave enough. Yay

Ring

Dont you worry your pretty little mind
People throw rocks at things that shines
And life makes love look hard

Its so difficult just thinking about the what ifs.

Yet, I couldnt stop myself from preparing for the worse that could happen in every relationship.

I guess we were never really thought what love really is, or will be. Just that feeling of the love slowly fading into distance, and that love felt less makes it all appear from that dark hole buried deeply. Love never fails. Yet people fail each other. How do you know if your love for each other is strong enough to stick by for a long long time? What I could feel was the love fading into distance. The days felt different now. Im still afraid of falling deep and never able to surface again. Yet I should only be positive and love with all my heart. Vulnerable, but a choice to be made. I wish to love, yet afraid to get hurt. Who doesnt?

At the end of the day, we just gotta find someone worth getting hurt for.

In face of such situations, I still felt like escape might be the better solution. Or rather the best solution is to seek for time by myself to make a decision for the next move. It hurts when things changes. When it felt like the love someone has for u seem to be going down in a really slow motion. Wanting to pick it up, yet feeling that inevitable fall.

Thinking too much and causing unecessary hurt to my own mental health. I wish I could ignore that feeling I have in my gut, and believe naively in true love again.

What keeps me from saying goodbye is that ring I wore on my finger. It kind of reminds me tat love is a promise. A promise I make to the other person wearing the same ring on the same finger. It keeps me from falling apart, yet doesnt take away the fear of someone else leaving me.

Sunday with Sundaes?

Hey there,

Just a random title for my random sunday.

On my computer to settle some stuff with sending of documents, and of cos I'm here browsing through facebook!

Came across this post about a person ranting about the behavior of guys? She was going on and on about how it is wrong that guys are sending random videos and photos of girls to each other's group chat. It's such an interesting thought that was being described. That girl mentioned about how it is wrong to send such stuff to guys who are married etc. And also said about how guys wouldnt have like it if it was their girls having such photos of other guys on group chats. HAHA. Sometimes I wonder if there's rights and wrongs in such things. Are they like invading personal privacy of their partner and controlling what they can see or not?

So anyways, just a random discussion about this post that I just happen to see on facebook. So it's a pretty random day today, having nothing much to do, and I wonder if Im prepared for my upcoming interview on tuesday. Its been so long since I last went for any interview, and I guess I should be mentally prepared to have a GO again. Can't wait for life to unfold itself slowly, yet I wish that time will stay still; allowing us to have more time with our love ones.

HEHE contradicting mind again?

Love,
Z

A little different

Do you still remember these photos taken long ago? All we were then worrying about was our assignments and where to go for internship. 

It never does feel the same again. When making new friends, or trying to blend in with pple, it has since felt a little different. Its like I dont have that heart that's interested to make friends with people I hardly know. All I could feel was that I want Zuella to be here. To be here to chitchat about anything under the sky, instead of myself going out there to make new friends. 

Is this part and parcel of growing up? I wonder.

Here's to a new start

Often times, we don't realize what we fall into until we're there for awhile. Maybe thats not for everyone. But right now thats what I realize for myself.

Its time again to readjust to a better lifestyle and try kicking away bad habits.

Am writing this post right now at Turi Beach Resort at Batam. Waiting for time to past and for the time to go to ferry terminal.

Love,
Z

Love Language

Low quantity of quality time 

VS

High qauntity of quality time

Will it eventually make a difference? Does it really matter?

Just something for me to ponder upon. 

Hey Wednesday

Hey there everybody,

Its another typical kind of day. Yet theres little bit of differences on such a typical day. 

Help out with some chores at home just cos I've got the opportunity to. I wish that the kids at home will learn to appreciate and help out soon. But i guess thats kinda fat hope. 

Today, I received a nuisance call at home and I cant help thinking too much and be unhappy in receiving such calls. I wish that I had spoke what my heart and brain wanted to. Its such a rude stranger on the telephone asking for number. Its damn freaking idiotic. It reminds me of that phone call I had that made me feel afraid of safety. Sigh. 

Anyway I just wanna not worry so much.

Love,

Z

That mind

Its the mind that couldnt sleep at night, due to overthinking. Overthinking about things that might not necessary be important at all. Yet just thinking of those nonsense. Wonder if it's because Im being too free a person, too free that my mind wonders off into the thoughts that shouldnt be mine.

The mind tells the heart what it might not like. Yet the mind overpowering what the heart will feel. Overthinking will kill. Yea knew it since long time ago, yet I couldnt help it sometimes. Wanting to shut down my mind to get a peaceful sleep, yet not being able to slee without those activities in the brain. I wish that it was that simple. That life was simple. What's leap of faith? Is it even necessary? Why cant we all just be sure of the choice that we make? Why do we often take that leap of faith in our journey in life?

If you have to think through when making choices, does it mean that the mind overpowered the heart? Anyway what sort of nonsense am I typing here? To think Im almost in my dreams already...

Love,
Z

Nose issue

This feeling feels really crappy. With that nose that kept on running... it makes me feel like some sick person. Wish that it'll be gone and I'll be good again. Maybe its the lack of exercise eh? Cant stop sneezing))):

Taste of own medicine

Hey there,

Being nice and understanding isnt an easy task. It might be time to learn how to calm the heart and let go of unecessary feelings and drama. Let go of the things that doesnt matter much in the long run. Why pick on the small little things when there's so much to look forward to in the future? 

As they say 人之初,性本善... I still remember how I felt towards things when i was younger.. Never as irritated easily, always nice towards others. Yet due to things happening, I got mould into the person I am today. It aint a bad thing, as I guess it made me into someone not as naive and not easily con by others. 

Yawns

Time to sleep

Love,

Z

Perfectly Imperfect

Hi there,

Its been a long day yesterday and today! Thats the reason why I havent been blogging! My brain is just a little too tired to think of anything much.. lets just make do with whatever that comes out of my mind ya?

So anyway, being not so good at most of the things made me realize that its ok to be perfectly imperfect. At the end of the day, everyone is good at something, and we just need to take time to realize and explore our hidden talents. And I guess, most importantly always to hold on to beliefing in oneself.

Theres always ups and downs in life, and also goods and bads. I guess its all about perspectives isnt it?

Goodnight all, hope all is well

Love,
Z

Expression of Feelings

Expressing feelings and communication. I think they're really not the same thing. I wish that I could say how Im not comfortable with that lack of information. Especially about things happening in life. I dont expect for that constant messaging 24/7 but I wish that I could know now and then whats happening in the day. Idk why but it just felt weird to me. That I totally have no idea whats going on now and then. I wish you would know, or could put urself in this shoe and tell me if you'll be alright with it. If I work and after work and all I dont communicate with you, or tell you about my day or my whereabouts. Or how I am having off day at home and I dont reply you and you have no idea what Im doing. How would you have felt then? 

Maybe Im just having one of those moods, or maybe its finally the time where I find that it doesnt feel right. I just really dont know, and I cant help feeling like that. That maybe you didn't care enough to let me know about yourself. Maybe your love isn't what it seem to be. Doubts will kill me. Yes it will. 

I wish I could tell you all these shit Im feeling. But I just dont want to be that unreasonable kind of girl. 

Love,

Z

Writing

Hi there everybody!

It's 7pm right now, and here I am sitting and wondering what I should do.

Let's have a glimpse of how had my day went. As usual, I woke up in bed this morning and the first thing I do would be to take a look at my phone. I guess this is probably a bad habit, yet something that's pretty legit. Nowadays, whenever we check the time, we'll most likely look at the phone instead of other gadgets used for telling the time. Why is it a bad habit to look at the phone first thing in the morning? Well, because I will be practically spending the next 20 or 30 minutes, or even 1 hour just lying in bed and browsing through the social networks and internet. I guess there should be something done differently here eh?

Anyway, I quickly woke up only when I heard small aunt entering the house. It's the usual end of week routine where she'll drop by to mop. Somehow, I can't help but feel bad or guilty that small aunt is mopping instead of myself. I ought to do something about that I guess. Sometimes I still wonder if I'm doing things right, or if I'm doing things properly. Am I being appreciative, grateful, and aware of the things all around me? I don't wish to end up being someone that doesn't feel welcome at home. It still has that effect on me.. Staying at other relative's house and wondering if I'm interrupting their lives, whether I should actually be back home to stay or not.. Well let's just not worry too much and put that aside for awhile.

So I haven't been exercising for the week, and thought it'll be nice to finally get my butt down to the pool for a swim. Guess what, the weather is so cloudy and I just hate the thought of making the long way to the pool just to end up seeing the lightning risk alert. <> So anyway, I was getting all lazy and ready to just be a potato couch, watching that 10:30-12:30 drama, when I received a text from Meinv mother asking if I would like to join her at the gym. I'm so glad that I went along to join the gym session as I won't feel like an extremely lazy ass. 

Nothing much happened in the afternoon and I just did my usual stuff like playing my game and just letting time slip by! But then again, I guess I did something good! I tried doodling using that calligraphy marker, but it turns out that the calligraphy marker isn't at all that easy to use! Guess practice makes perfect! The picture of what I doodled is right at my instagram!

Lover Sam is so busy at work today that he barely reply my messages. ): Sometimes, the fear and doubt of love inevitably result in the feeling of walls building up around myself. I guess it still does take time to realize what I will truly want, time to truly understand myself and life in a better light. I didnt do any reading today, and my day just went by in such a typical way. Oh anyways I packed up that little corner in the house that I've messed up. Teehee.

Here's a quote for the day:

"Your life is your story, write it well!"

and here's cheering to (hopefully) the continuous writing of my life in a more positive and interesting way.

Hope all is well for everyone!

Love,
Z

Hey July

It's been a month since I bid farewell to the physical form of Zuella. Time seem to be flying off really fast. Thinking back, I dont even recall what I did for the past one month. Or ever since I'm done with writing of my essays.

It's been more than one month of blocking much stuff out of my life. Referring to the things that I wish to be doing.. Yupp and that I'm actually referring to painting and doing some art stuff, or reading and writing about feelings and thoughts and life.

I can't really remember when was the last time I constantly inspire myself. Well, recently I did try to feel something in my heart and soul, but that inspiration was kind of short-lived...

Guess it's always better to talk about things whenever it comes to my mind. Well, I downloaded that blogger App on that OPPO phone of mine, but it doesnt work as well as the blogger App on my Ipod. BOOOO.

Anyway today, a long lost friend actually chat with me.. Some of you would have known who this person is... But anyway, that isn't important.. I found out that he isn't with Mel anymore, and being the curious Zihui, I asked him what happened between them. And so he didn't say much but mentioned that feelings fade so leading to the breakup.

Upon hearing that, I felt sad for Mel that she have to experience such shit. Because, I totally can understand that ' feelings faded ' shit. Although Eugene was my friend more than Mel was, I totally felt bad for Mel that she have to experience such thing about love. And for Eugene, I just couldn't believe that he actually broke Mel's heart. Well, I just wish him all the best. I was really lucky that I didn't fall for him when I was in Secondary school. At least I stuck to my own feelings, and right now I'm really glad to have met someone like Sam. Least not a playboy.

Anyway, I was so lazy the whole day until I made myself to go out to buy some stuff.  And I bought this Calligraphy marker! Hahahaha! Let's do some lettering writing soon! I really do miss Zuella so much, remember how we went to buy art stuff together and walk around the 3 malls at Tampines together. I still wish she was still alive, but I think I should look forward, knowing that someday we'll all see her again in Heaven.

Love,
Z

Been long

It's been a long while since I last had any inspiration to write. Guess I've forgotten how it felt like to just jote down the little things that is happening in my life and the little things I feel. It's been some time since Zuella has gone to somewhere better. Maybe telling myself that she've went somewhere really really far would be easier to cope than thinking that she's gone...

Well, let's not talk about the sad things....

How about describing the day?

I woke up early at 6plus as I'm gonna get to the Airport with Sam's parents to send him off to Krabi! After all the things that happened all around, I thought that I ought to care more for the people that I love. Small little things like sending off to the airport to wish a smooth travel. Then after a breakfast tgt with Sam and parents, I went off to gym with meinv mother!

Omg im so lazy to blog anymore.

I'll try harder the next time...

Love,
Z

One of those past

Even bowling was one of those past.

It was once upon a time that I still played not too bad.

I really lost my gripe with bowling now. Remember how my partor last time used to have bowling now and then. My first date in a bowling alley, etc. Its not a past that I think of... just its those photos that I still remember in my head. Those photos of me playing bowling... hahaa. All of which deleted.

Playing bowling was like exams. Once upon a time I use to score well in school. Then it all fell in poly. Haha..

Well time to sleep. Tomorrow will be good.

Love,
Z

Dear July

"The only time we're truly ourselves is when we're alone"

I find the simplicity in simple things, simple yet complex thinking. Erms right theres abit of contradictions right there...

June have been so full of everything. Travelling, fun, joy, laughter.
Not forgetting that lost faced.

As it always goes, life is too short... I still wish Zuella was here. I went to her house yesterday to take that card she did in december. Well, it definitely brought me to more tears as I read about our future hopes and dreams together. A friendship that would've been developed even deeper as we walk into our future. The saddest part is to realize that there isnt a future with "us" physically together anymore.

Anyway along with the quote I put at the start of this post, I always enjoy those solitude journey taken by myself. Listening to music and feeling inspired by quotes I read.

Awwwww im too tired to write more.... till another day eh?

Love always,
Z

Unspoken fear

Its times like that
That made me realize
How fragile
We all are

Those that are growing older
I fear

Fear of losing

But they said
Its life and death

When will I
Be able to let go
Of the fear of losing
The people I love

We all know that
As we are eager to grow older
With all the money and rights

The people around us grow
Older too

What they are doing
The younger ones
What they are doing
Right now
About not truly appreciating
And not knowing the importance
Of companionship

Is what they are gonna regret
When 'they' are gone
'They' meaning their love ones.

In loving memory

Its been less than a week. And I still get choke up with those memories of her. Days are passing by in blur. The hurt and pain of lost being buried somewhere inside. Its never easy to say goodbye. Even more difficult to come back up and accept the reality of lost. Its only when we lose people in our lives, that we realize how much more we should've really done to live it and love people to the fullest.

I miss you dearest Zuella.

In that jealousy dream. Dream of horrid

Realize that in that dream of mine when in face of a flirtatious partner and when I got jealous and lose my trust in love, I stood there ready to walk away.

Its as if I felt like I've got nothing to lose anymore. That feeling of ready to walk away heartlessly without looking back. In that dream, I realized that I still couldnt get it over. How someone else have left me over another person. How love could fade away leaving me with just hurt and pain. Im still afraid of it happening again.
I wanted and decided to just go with the flow and just love, but that fear still linger around. Its not just that past relationship that made me fear. What happened to my bio parents makes me fear too. Fear that love would not last. Fear that marriage can come to an end. Its all like taking a leap of faith, yet half way through the jump, you have that flashbacks of the negative things in love and relationship. And if something else arises from external, its all gonna go down in a drain. Just like that.

The lost era

Have we ever wonder what this world is becoming? Thoughts, and habits. Character. Moral? Beliefs.

It didnt dawn on me that nowadays, our generation cared a little too little for people around them and their surroundings. Even for those that cared, theres still a slight difference in the way we care and the things we cared about in the past and present day.

Today, uncle was asking us to send text to aunt who's on an overseas trip right now. To be concerned about simple things like how is she, or have she taken dinner etc.

I came to realized how I hadnt care so much about the tiny things in life. Is it the same way for all of you too? When thinking about whether people ate or not, I might think that adults know how to take care of themselves, hence definitely would had taken their meal when its meal time. Then.... uncle was saying that people had changed so much in this generation. In the past, people would have wrote a letter or postcard to people overseas just to ask if they are good and had they taken their meal.

I realized that in the end, its still the little things in life that we should care about. Even if its just wondering about whether they had taken their dinner, etc...

I guess I need to remember to care more..

(((:

Love,
Z

Those days that were gone

夜色茫茫罩四周
天边新月如钩
回忆往事恍如梦
重寻梦境何处求

人隔千里路悠悠
未曾遥问　心已愁
请明月代问候
思念的人儿泪常流

~明月千里寄相思~

Listening to this tune.. It's a tune that I heard from the television programme. Just but an old mandarin song.. But it's so soothing, and kind of represent some form of heartache? Well, I have yet to understand properly those lyrics... But Granny told me that it was grandpa's favourite song. A song with a story of his own.. And yupp, I could feel his heartache as this song plays. I wonder what stories would grandpa tell me if he was here. Maybe all those interesting life stories of his? Much of them that I knew not much of...

I wish.....

Love,
Z

Just a thought

As we always aim to move forward, look forward in life, I sometimes stood here by myself as I dug into the world of curiosity, into the past.

I often wonder to myself why do I care or even ask people about their past, their experience... Is it because I can't move forward in life? Why am I always curious about what's in the past. Upon much digging around and enough of curiosity, I guess I finally knew why.

Remember how some of us love that subject of history, while some just ain't interested in them?

I guess I love history because I love to understand what was in the past that made us the way we are today. Just like any unique human being, we all have thoughts and experience that differ from everyone else.

How I am today is always due to what had happened in the past. And that applies for everyone isn't it? Im just curious how thoughts develops and how people became who they are...

Love,
Z
Back to essay writing!

Just before I kick start the other two assignments...

So I guess sometimes, I really did forget about appreciating. And somehow I have to be reminded by others around me just how fortunate I am to find a man that loves me with all his heart. Well, it's true that doubts will cause all to collapse. I wish that I will grow up, and doubt less. I just cant help it, on that road where I start falling down badly and recovering, that scars are still seen. Though there aren't feelings or sadness left from that previous experience, certain things still triggered that similar emotions I've felt before. Without knowingly, a small little unhappiness evolved into a huge feeling just because. 

And here we are, attending XY's choir concert once again. Its where strings and voice come together... The strings are just so beautiful. Reminds me of those days where I love listening to 92.4...good music....good life....

It'll be that dream yet to be fulfilled. Learning an instrument that will allow that heart and body and mind to flow in such a beautiful way. Maybe I know nothing much about music or the musical world. I just wish to at least learn piano someday...

And well, surprise! I met with Elina while she was at Singapore. And she gave me these cute little presents. Anyway, Anjali is growing up so fast! And it's just so interesting playing with little baby! It's great to finally catch up on life with Elina... About all those that are happening in Langkawi... And where I could listen about opinions on life, relationship, work, etc. Knowing people from all around the world have always been this interesting.. Hearing different opinions, and also help me to appreciate again what we have around us, like the people or even this country that we are living in. 

Well, it's time to resume my essay writing!! Soon I will be FREEEE again! time to think about what's next!

21st

Well, time for some photo spam for 21st! It's supposed to be something special huh? 21st birthday.. 

le boy entertaining enen.

Here's a cake sent by pei on watsapp!

Beautiful photo?

So on my birthday itself, I actually went to the temple and told grandpa about me turning 21st!

then I set off on a journey of surprises by Sam.

TADA! Cant believe that I came back to EatPlayLove again. I still feel that the food is not worth the money, but this time round, I did some art stuff here!

And the dinner surprise was at NOX! Dining in the Dark! He trick me to think that dinner will be at Switch@Timbre D: 

My first time receiving blue roses!!!

And here's all the present I've received!!! ANW I FINALLY HAVE A BERING WATCH FROM LOVEEE.

Unexpected

And you set out like that. Happy and joyful, looking forward to cherish that time spent together. Yet couldnt imagine it ending like that.

Love,
Z

For the first time in my life, I felt it so strong, that ....... social media for you seem to be so much more interesting than cherishing the moment u spend beside me?.....and instead of talking about it, I was let to go back just like that and sleep with that bitter heart like that....

The Final Lap

Im finishing my final lap of Degree right now.... It's during this final lap that I can feel how draining the journey of studying hospitality and tourism is. Remember those days that I just cant wait to smell the freedom before graduating from this Diploma? Yupp, I use to think that it's all finally over, and here I am today battling with writing of essay after essay. Doing research after research, questionnaire after questionnaire. And yes I hate to admit this but group projects are easier to cope than individual essay writing. Now I finally knew the importance of team work.

Its just such a familiar feeling. And till now I still cant help but say how I miss that bunch of 'Best Grpmates' that I've ever work with. Although people all eventually get on with their life and there's the probability of people growing apart, it's still something that I would keep close to my heart. Those times where we suffer together, stay awake together, and get that sense of pride in handing up our projects together. Some had already been long gone, and I'm glad the few of us still cherish this friendship.

Im so tired. time to collapse into deep sleep.

Life. Relationship. Gap?

We never really grow to know what these words. Or how these words are related to each other. Is there really such thing as the right circumstances?

Sometimes, I think that gap in thoughts are the ones that causes the end of relationships. Its the difference in opinions that led to quarrels and unhappiness. Sometimes, it also meant that we get to see things clearer. Or maybe feel them more clearly. 

It's never nice when what you said is not intentional. It's also not nice when what you said gave the wrong message across. And all these causes unhappiness when the wrong message was sent across. And when you are deprive of that urging moment to say something, or to try to make ur message go the right way, instead of the unintentional one. It is worse when someone gets disappointed because they belief rather in another thing about you. That accusation. 

Yet it's no one to blame when such thing happen. Because it all started unintentionally. 

Whether it'll be rescued or not, lies in that unknowing ground. But there, is the scar that might be unforgotten on each other. Maybe it's not as serious as a scar. Just a memory maybe? And we all just know how I don't forget hurt easily. 

It's also surprising how I guess my heart wont hurt as much anymore. I've come to a point where I'm still afraid of losing someone I love, but that extreme pain felt before might just have numb that part of my heart already. I feel like I've got nothing to lose already. And Im definitely not afraid to go into the future with that same feeling. That unknowing, that blur path, due to the fact that plans might change. 

It's just one of those night, one of those moment when I just feel this. These thoughts that I should've changed them for the better instead of just accepting them as how it came to me.

I could say sorry, but why say it when a person just believes in something else that make u wanna not even explain about. 

The Change in People

Hello everyone,

I've always wrote how it's been awhile since I wrote...

Truth is, I no longer have that heart that felt inspired and motivated all the time... At least not enough to write up something worth keeping, or something of a certain sort of reflection of my life.

As the days pass by in a blink of an eye, as our youth slips out of our fingers, we start to feel that blur distant of the future.

In this life, we often adapt to changes. Although we all have this feeling, of losing people we once love, losing friends that we do cherish.. It's all changes in life. As it goes, change is the only constant in life. Yet it is still a shock to me when I realize how even the change in our family member can come across as something so strange. Something that I couldn't comprehend of. How is it possible that you live with people that just change over a year. It's not minor change but a drastic one. One that is involved with the beliefs, attitude, character...

And in this century, most of us (not all), are very much hooked to social media. Social media is like a platform where we get to know people more. Even our relatives, or friends. It's the social interaction online that seems to make people know certain people more. Although much have been debated about how it brings people apart too - - when people meet up and all they do is use their phone.

So anyway, I'm pretty much sensitive towards things on the social media too. Especially when you realize that people goes to the extend of blocking you on the social network. It's totally fine that people of your past blocks you because its suppose to be left in the past. Yet, when it comes to people like family blocking you, it left me speechless. I wonder why it happened, and whats the reason. Still, I wanna respect the privacy and decision of 'family', and I would not question directly why so...

Now, I just feel that stranger feeling. it's just but a social media, but i feel that distant. hahahahahha weird.....

Feelings

It's as if you've slanted from the way you should feel.

As if feelings take over that logical mind.

It's difficult when all you do is feel with your heart. 

Difficult when you realize that something that shouldn't be a problem seems to be a problem to you.

When something shouldn't be difficult to cope, but it's just that difficult for you. 

When you feel a world apart. 

From understanding to not understanding

From happy to feeling pain

those unnecessary kind of emotions that shouldn't be there

but still you feel it. 

feel it swallowing you as a whole. 

Feel yourself being eaten up by it all.

And it all happened because it's you who allows it to be. 

Allows it to happen that way. 

Allowing negative thoughts.

Towards the end of March

As it's now not a habit for blogging, it's only during rare times that I wish to blog about how I feel. So much for just typing the things that I'm thinking about.

Since I have yet to start using my brains for writing my essay, I've decided to take a chill pill and go ahead to blog about today.

Today I went to '扫墓' since it's '清明节'. Many things had changed, and the traditional way seems to start fading as time goes by. I remember when I was much younger, a big group of us would go to the cemetery to pray. Nowadays, it's done at the temple. And today, I went to pray my grandpa too. It always makes me feel so sad when I look at his photo and kneel there praying to him. It's like 10years ago all over again. And well yea, time indeed pass by really fast. Now it's been closed to 10 years ever since he's gone. I still remember those times that I used to chat with him in front of the television while he drinks his daily dose of beer. Still remember those times when I was so curious about the veins on his hands, and how much I love to touch those veins that's showing under the skin. It's always a heartache thinking about him, and how much I've missed my grandpa being here for me. I always come close to tears whenever looking at his photo at the temple because I can no longer speak to him face-to-face, only silently talking to him in my heart, not even knowing if he can hear them.

)':

I guess I'll never truly get over that feeling of losing somebody important to me. As life happens, losing people is inevitable. I just hope that I won't lose myself in face of the lost that I'll definitely face in the future.

Love,
Z

Remembering Mr Lee Kuan Yew and our founding fathers

As the news viral around social media and the news headline within hours of his passing, there seem to be this silent vibe going through everywhere. I've been at home for the whole of yesterday and today, yet through social media, I am able to see how sad the nation is towards the passing of this man that contributed greatly to our country. Although not born in that generation where the most difficult times of Singapore was experienced, I do recognize how fortunate we are due to the contributions, determination, and many attitudes of our founding fathers and people of that generation. 

It's sad because here we say goodbye to the father of our country. Without him, Singapore wouldn't be what it is today within this short period of 50 years. He is our legacy, a wise individual. 

And I hope that this new generation in Singapore will remember what Singapore had went through, and how all these people actually worked to achieve this Singapore we have today. As much as we can't stop people from complaining in life, I think that they ought to remember the journey of Singaporeans in the past, and our founding fathers. And Singapore's future indeed lay uncertain with this new generation who thinks differently and have different value as compared to people of the past. I hope that they will grow to be wise and also not forgetting the way Singapore grew, and what Singapore is -- A small city-state. So vulnerable it seem but yet standing strong with all that you can name. 

Thinking back of those school days saying the pledge, singing the national anthem, and celebrating national days, singing all those songs with pride, I finally understood that pride of being a Singaporean. 

MARCH on.

Dearest friends,

Wondering how have everything been for all of you always. Sometimes, I still wonder about how is it possible that life, be it work or studying, seems to make us feel so consumed with it. Often wondering about how people talks about priorities, or the importance of taking time out for the people that we love. It just seem to me that myself and the friends around me, that we all get really consumed with our own life. What is it that'll really really really matter? It's been so long since I met any of my friends really. Is this even a healthy thing?

For now, let me just focus on my 'soon to be over' education.

It's been for a really long long time since I felt that sense of accomplishment. I guess it's been for as long as 3/4 years? I could just vividly recall how things seem to start spiraling towards that negative end after I started my life in poly. Remember how I hadn't have any achievements in my CCA, and neither academically. My friends would just tell me how although I hadn't have achievements in those areas, I seem to have succeeded in terms of relationship. Remember that relationship that also ended when my 3 years of education in Polytechnic came to an end? I can't help but say that yes, that's what went through my mind.. I've been kind of a complete failure for many things for that 3 years of my life.

I know, looking at the brighter side, I've gained a lot. Because all those were, were just lessons in life for me to learn. Which sounds pretty much interesting. At least I knew how it felt like to have fallen down. And realize how I should be grateful for those people who've been in my life since forever.

Anyway, I saw a video of a marriage proposal today. And I can just say that this video is practically the only proposal video that I've watched from the START till the END of the video. Since last year, there's just so many funny funny proposals shared online. Those that I didn't even finish watching. But this video is really worth the time. Its so BEAUTIFUL, SWEET, TOUCHING.... And you can just feel how sincere the guy is. I was watching it during my lesson break today. I have to admit how I almost cried watching this video!

http://time.com/3736803/man-proposes-to-girlfriend-365-times/

Here's the link to the video!! It's so perfect and I can't imagine how would anyone turn down such a beautiful thing!

Oh anyway I accidentally sidetrack to that video. I was saying how it was a long time since I last have that sense of accomplishment. And here goes, I'm so happy that I actually scored a nice grade for the previous two assignments submitted. I'll keep pushing on till the other 3 assignments are done. It has been so long since I felt this sense of pride in my own work. I'm genuinely happy.

Love,
Z

Unbelievable. Choices. Consequences

哭笑不得 

This is that RIGHT word to describe how school is like with MDIS. Its really this ridiculous. Today, The Head of Tourism lady asked to meet me. & there I imagine somebody with good grooming & that way a 'hospitality & tourism' person would look like. Temasek Poly had really educated me well, equipped me with whatever I need to come out into the society. TP lecturers has got what it takes! 

Well, so guess what? Today, when I met the 'HEAD of tourism', I was taken aback at the way she brings herself. Is that the right way of describing? 'Bring herself' ? 

Anyway you got my point? It's this unbelievable feel that I felt in my heart. Take good care. Pray for my grading to be better than I've expected. Im dumbfounded. Really 哭笑不得.

Love

Z

Clearer, better, easier

As the days past by, as I start to talk openly about the wound, about the person that let me down, that person thats gone now, I realized how it really does fades into that distant memory.

Remember this lyrics? It was the first song that I put out for that love I had in the past. It was the song that I heard when I first fell in love and decided that it describes how I felt. It was my favourite song to describe how sweet love felt. Never did I imagine all these to be anything but just a sweet memory now. Time went by, and new life started. 

It all felt new. Sometimes I still get that bugging feeling of certain things and scenarios that seem to be like the past. It made me fear as that feeling seem to creep into me. I guess by now, it's something normal in me. I just have to talk about it & put it out to clear up my mind. For I know that now, Im in a relationship with this wonderful man. Maybe I wont think right when Im screwed in my thoughts, maybe I even felt like giving up on all these without any reasons. It's times that I felt like that, weird in a sense, then suddenly feeling alright and happy. 

With each passing day, I realized that it got harder to remember what happened in the past with Jinson. It's as if that doesnt really matter anymore. While I still do think that he is a jerk, I seem to have let go of those beautiful memories that I've had with him. 

The relationship I had with Samuel seems to be one thats been for a long period, yet it's just been short few month. Initially, everything seems to be overwhelming, with interacting about dreams and future. Now, I seem to look forward to it & wanna dream of it and make it happen together with him. Again, I might not truly know what love is right now. I couldnt describe. I guess love is something that we couldnt really depend on what it was yesterday. Love is something that we gotta work on every single day. Having a person doesnt mean that we can take them for granted, and I want to learn how I could make it all in the now. That photo I once posted on wechat timeline kept ringingg in my head. About how love is like a plant.

Love,

Z

大年初四

Happy Lunar New Year everyone!

Can't remember myself not having a CNY not doing research! Anyway, it's already back to work on day 3 of CNY. Interestingly, was having conversation with Hanis (one of my colleague) about her story and about relationship. It's been so long since I heard any stories. And well, do I love hearing stories of people's life. It's equivalent to reading a short story. So anyway her story was like a starbucks story. And there, I heard about her previous relationship too. I used to think that a relationship of 2 years that ends with nothing is really bad for the heart. And so whenever I hear things like 3 years or even another story of a 9 years relationship, I'm just glad that my previous one didn't took too long to come to an end.

Sometimes, I still fear about these kind of things. Then again, I think instead of fearing, it's better to keep in mind about the 'What's meant to be will always be' quote? That's what I kept as one of my profile picture on facebook to remind myself of letting go of the things that isn't meant to be. That photo was also one taken by well.... I shall not dig into it.

Anyway, I'm trying to kick start my research today, trying to complete my introduction part of the 'Staycation' essay. Somehow, just couldn't start up on typing so I figured that I might as well try to jote down bits of my memories of how I lived 22/02/2015. I basically woke up today and catch up with the latest episode of TVD while having my breakfast - mee sua. After the short 45minutes of TVD, the computer once again had to do some restarting. And before I know it, it's time for lunch! Since there's nothing to watch on the TV while having lunch, I ponder upon Pitch Perfect (a movie that I've been wanting to watch since last year? or the year before?) on Youtube, and I spent almost 2 hours watching it! A perfect musical on CNY day 4 huh? Well do I love musical and things related to performance. It's just something that makes me heart beat enthusiastically. Just inside my heart.

Well, after that I went to take a 1 hour nap as it's really tiring for the eyes to stare at the computer screen for almost half the day already! After the nap, it's almost dinner time! While I try researching for some literature journals for future use, it's more tedious than I thought it would be to find a full PDF text to save. As it goes, I have to remind myself of how 'A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step'. And I have to push myself on for not giving up in working my brain. I have never felt so lonely ever in this education battle. I guess this is how the university life works? How as we all step slowly into our own future, we have to learn to be independent in our own profession and our own life.

Instead of continuing to complain about how bad the majority of lecturers in MDIS teaching tourism is really not that great at all, I just wants to hold on to the hope that all these will be completed in a successful note with my own capability. At least for this semester, Im thankful for one lecturer who is more sounding than the others that I've met in this school. Thankful that after all I could finally breathe a little and learn well at least in 1 class.

That's all for today.

Love,
Z

another day another fight, it always feels like an uphill climb.
another step another mile, story of your life.
it's harder than you'll ever thought, and it cost you everything you've got
when you're back against the wall and you feel like giving up.
this is only a mountain, you dont have to find your way around it,
tell it to move, it'll move
tell it to fall, it'll fall.

yupp, it'll move. The mountain will move.

Unsettling.

It's this feeling of having someone, yet not having. Its an unsettling feeling. It's also something that I can't explain on. It's like at times feeling neglected, yet telling myself so hard that it's just silly feelings. Feeling not at all that understanding, yet telling myself so hard that I'm being ridiculous and I should totally understand since I've been out there before. Working and barely having time for anyone, not even for myself. Day in day out, its this cycle that seem so vicious yet helping me to find a meaning to my own life. I should more than anyone understand how difficult it is to have a work-life balance. Somehow, reasoning by myself seems to clear my own thoughts when my contradicting feelings and thoughts come to an agreement on how I should feel. Yet sometimes it still bugs me. Reminding myself of those days and times how it felt like to have someone here for you, yet it seems like its nobody there. Sometimes I wonder if this is how it felt like to have a real relationship in this world. This world where everyone is just so busy and gets consumed with what is thrown at you in life. Is it how the working life is like? Not really having anytime at all. Think back to those times when I was working full time. Those months with Uniqlo, those months with FourSeasons, those months working like a fulltimer but am a part timer at SGCC. Yupp, I could just agree on how work and life had consumed me. Day in Day out. Yupp, now I do understand how it feels, and I must be more understanding than anyone else towards the person I love. Maybe it's just difficult because it reminds me so much of those days when I had a relationship but it felt like I'm single. Phew, at least I'm thinking more clearly now.

I saw this on the web today. I think that Doe Zantamata is really inspiring. Someday I'll purchase the book written by her. For this pic, it's a reminder of how we should see things as of today. How we should live in the NOW. Walk by that quote of ' Yesterday is a History, Tomorrow is a Mystery, Today is a Gift ' . Now as much as I can over think too much on a singular thing that I can feel unsettling about or unhappy about. Be it about my life or everything else, I think it's important to remind myself to be positive and be brave to stride on in life with confidence and happiness. 

Lesser negativity and more positivity. 

Love,

Z

All that Goodness in one Box

All that goodnesss in one box

Its the ferrero rocher!! Chocolate makes me happy. This is my first time receiving such a big box of rocher! Teeeheeeee! Thanks to S((((; Yummyummz. One chocolate a day keeps the doctor away^^ 

Happy Valentines day all my lovely friends!!! May all of you have something sweet to eat today^^ 

Love, 

Z

Hellooooo

There you go! I have no idea why I wanna attach this photo. I just felt like there's a need to attach a photo to my post to kick start that inspiration to blog. Well, Im never sick of this view eh? Countless of times I went TP pool by myself & I'll always snap a photo of it. This pool still hold so much memories of things that happened in the past. 

Alright! Anyway, Its been really great reading up LL's blog! It's like few months worth of feelings and thoughts all in that one post. And I cant help but agree with how LL talks about social network & the relationship between people. Well, I guess we're all in this new generation where so much had changed. Even the way people interacts with each other. Truth be told, I'm trying to be more conscious about the way I communicate with people face-to-face. I know that technology had an effect on me too. Sometimes I couldn't express myself well verbally & clearly. It might be due to my weakness in language, but it is also due to everything being much easier for me when typing out. Most of the times, Im just not ready to communicate verbally because I'll be touched by so much emotions & feelings all hidden inside me. 

That day, I sat by myself, started blogging, & uncontrollably having tears flowing out of my eyes. & I know that most of the times, I face things by myself too. Loving someone else made me learnt how to open up with my feelings just so that Im not selfish and not putting a shield around me. 

Anw, I wanted to say so much to LL about my thoughts of how she felt with things. But I have to agree that THAT post is freaking long, and I'll have to keep refering back if I wanna talk about them. Hehe. I just wanna say how I can understand certain feelings that she's feeling. Although we all experience all that different life, I kind of get the things that she's saying. Although in different shoes. . . My sentences arent making any sense right now...... Anyway, Im really really glad to see how she can see things in a positive light. I get that feeling, of the sudden pure happiness and joy and freedom felt in the heart. Its like seeming to glow so brightly telling you that life is gonna be so great. Giving you that motivation to keep going in face of obstacles placed in front of you. Its that rare gleam of hope. Of future. 

Anyway, it's only the first week of the new school term, and Im feeling so drained in my head. In my headdddd in my headddddd zombieee zombieee. Who remembers this song? So back to being drained. I guess its all in the head once again.! I can do this! I just have to stop thinking of why what and every other nonsense! Keep going !!! 

Love,

Z

I know my sentences arent making sense....... Oh goodness