D'Experiment?

Love. Fear. Love?

It always creeps back. As I walk away, I wonder how much I love this guy Im with right now. Is it love? Is this love? 

Questions 

Questions.

More questions.

But Im so glad that I told him whats bugging me. The thoughts. That day I guess it was a record in the history. The first time I spoke on the telephone with him for more than an hour. 

No doubt this love is not the same as my previous one. Theres no long hours telephone chats. No skypes. No handwritten loveletters. No.... Just everything is not the same. Not the same kind of love. 

Of cos because its not the same person. 

But I guess I knew myself all along. How I felt towards S, just I didnt dare to feel it. That love. He became the one that brings me smile & happiness. The one that I've allowed myself to lean onto like a pillar of support in my life. No doubt this relationship is diff, but this difference is a great difference. A good one, a better one, something that I wouldn't have replaced with any other things. 

I guess I've found my own answer. Did I or did I not? Why does the days feel so long till I'll get to talk to him or see him again? I felt like theres so much things I want to tell him about. Whats happening, what Im thinking, everything that happened. But I cant and have to wait...& wait...&wait.... For this 1week. 

Ah miserable. I kept on sleeping & sleeping. I think time flew by faster like that. 

Love,

Z