..

I want to change, I want to be different. But I also want to continue this shit life journey with Jinson.

How do I let go of someone?

Someone that I love secretly and silently for 4-5months, then miracle of love happened.

Someone that I love before we are even together.

Someone that I am willing to love no matter who he is, or what he can become.

Someone that I am willing to give everything to.

Someone that I wouldn't mind crying for.

Someone that I wouldn't mind staying here waiting just for him to go out and explore and chase his dreams?

Someone that I would wait patiently and still love him in years to come.

I just don't want all of these to end. I just want to try it all, try and work things out.

But would it ever happen?

All I pray for is this chance. A chance for me to try again. Just this chance.

I wish someone will tell me right down that yes this is a test for me. This is just a test for this relationship. It's all about passing this test that we are all doing in life.

I want the test with Jinson to pass. even if I fail many times, I will work hard just to pass this test.

I wish it is really a test.

I think I need help.