So...

I cant take it any longer.

I went straight to him to his hse

To get my answer

I see him. He smiled. A stranger smile. He wants to hold my hands. But i thought that will hurt if he is saying we should be bestfriends. 

Idk what to think. All i could feel is the hurt. My heart aches so badly. Didnt know i can feel this ache again. The ache of losing someone. 

He dun love me anymore. Feelings fade. He's lost. He's confused. So am I. I said its his choice n he said its my choice. 

I said. I dont want his pity. I understand love might fade. I just wan a yes or no if he still loves. His answer is he dont know. He's not sure. Well that leaves me hurt. He held my hands, asking me how. I tried taking away my hand but he held on to it.

While i can be hurt n sad im still me. I dun stay angry over pple i love. I guess. I ended up giving in n i cheer up. 

I asked 'so do you want to break up with me'

He said no. He dun wan to breakup. He just needs the time. He said breakup because he dun wana leave me hanging.

I told him that no matter what, i will always love him. Am i silly or what? Well we all know i might be the silliest person ever?

I said that waiting is nothing to me. Because when i chose to love him, i mind nothing. I know his decision is either to go through this with me or to just break with me. I know that no matter what happen between us, we have this special affinity. Whether we stay couple or not maybe doesnt matter. But its impt to have friends that cherish u. Well i wish he wasnt just another bestfriend. I wish deep down that he still love me. Whats that hand holding, that kiss on my forehead n lips, whats that hug u held on so tight? I hope thats a way of u saying u dun wanna lose me forever.

 U can call me delusional or what. 

But its better that i've tried than not trying and regretting.

Thanks all my lovely friends. You know i love u all. And thanks for those thats there for me in any ways(: small little ways of encouragement means to me too(: