OFFICIALLY..

ITS OFFICIALLY THE LAST DAY OF MY SEM 1.1 HOLIDAY!

ALL I CAN SAY IS THAT TIME FLIES!!!! HEHEEE^^

THIS HOLIDAY IS INTERESTING!

COS SOMETHING BEYOND AWESOME HAPPENED TO ME..
ok.. so this is just how im gonna summarize my holiday i guess^^


a new sem is here! and i must anticipate it^^ im gonna plan everything and be very prepared for it!
and this sem, im definitely not gonna give up on things so easily! i've got to keep going on and pushing myself forward! and not forgetting to care for pple that i love^^

SMILE EVERYONE!
LETS BRING ON A POSITIVE ATTITUDE IN EVERYTHING THAT WE DO!
I KNOW IT ISNT EASY AT TIMES, BUT I'VE GOT TO KEEP ON BELIEVING IN MYSELF..
KEEP ON BELIEVING THAT EVERYTHING WILL BE OK..

yesterday, i cried..
and im so sorry that i caused dear jinson to feel sad with me.. i will always try to cover up when im crying.. cos i know that it will affect those that love me.. when im explaining to him certain stuff, i cant help but let my tears flow.. but part of me wished that i'll be stronger and not cry.. cos i kno that he will feel sad too..

and now, i saw it.. i love him more than anything.. and it will never ever change. cos i realised that last time i will always say that the only guy i love and will say i love forever will only be my grandpa.. now, although i will always love my grandpa, i will also say that i love jinson.. and i will love jinson forever too.. its deep from my heart.. i feel loved by jinson like how i feel loved by my grandpa.. whenever im with him, i feel very safe and protected like how i feel when im with my grandpa..

im not trying to replace my grandpa with jinson.. im just saying that i truly truly love jinson like how i truly truly love my grandpa.. and i know that everyone comes and goes in my life, and that i have to accept it.. and live in the moments which are worth it..

yesterday, i felt sad cos i suddenly thought through the things that are happening and i see that i cant solve the existing problems.. then i felt so sad, and to prevent myself frm crying, i start to numb myself and feel like shutting myself up from the world.. i even came close to really really shutting myself up, and put my phone aside and shut myself out frm even my dear.. although i really feel like being numb n stay by myself and cry by myself, i know that i dont want to leave my dear there.. at the back of my head, there's things telling me that my dear is there, and that i cant shut myself up from the world cos if i do, what will happen to my dear?

so i picked myself up, and i looked at my phone, to see miss calls n incoming calls.. im so sry..
then my mood starts to become better and better when i talk n laugh ..and hear my dear's voice..

then when we started talking bout serious stuff, and it came to a point whereby he says that i need to be mentally prepared for the stuff that might happen, that i sometimes cannot live in my perfect bubble of imagination, my heart suddenly sank..

its the sinking feeling of sadness.. and once again, that sadness is back.. and i have no idea why..
then i start to realise that im upset because i realised that i want to live in my bubble of perfect imagination, and that i am not prepared to face the reality..
that i actually might escape from the problems and not face it.. that i actually have been escaping from my problems, and i pushed my problems away by telling myself its alright, and that i shall just smile and be happy like wat..
i guess i just cant solve my problems, and i feel like no one is helping me with trying to solve it, that i just wan to escape.. till yesterday, i realised suddenly that someone wants me to start being prepared for anything that can happen, and when the problem comes, that i will not be alone, and i must first be brave to face the problem so that it will all be good..

that's all... hmm.... ok... enough of my long long sentences.. goodbye(:
hopefully my lovely friends out there will be fine^^
♥