Just another day

Yesterday was just another day that triggered my emotions again. I was still too busy body about the life of Ex. See, I still follows his sis on instagram, so now and then, I still could see something about his life somehow. He have another instagram account, it used to be private, but I realize suddenly that it is public now. After work yesterday, I loitered at work and use the wifi. I saw his insta and I went and have a look. It still struck me how it really hurt to know that he rather be with someone else than me. Its like a 不甘心 feeling after all. I know that I wont look at him the same way anymore but I couldnt help but feel the way I felt. 

It felt like I could afford to go home and just hide in my turtle shell. It was lucky that I had a dinner arrange with a colleague yesterday, and I decided to go for a swim.

I swam and swam and swam for 20laps even though my stamina and strength wasnt like before. I had to... Swim it all away, that feeling of thinking that Im not worthy for pple's love. I looked at the photo of him and his current gf, and all I could think of is question him for an answer. I need that closure but I'll never get it. Guess I'll just have to cope in my own ways. My heart wants to feel like a stone. For that fear to never arise again.

I finished swimming and I laze at the poolside, wanting to finish up my bk, but I just keep looking at people swimming. That scene just brings back all the different memories of the last 3yrs in TP. 

Then I waited for my colleague to get off work, and we went clarke quay for the pork cheek ramen! Its gd!! The pork cheek, but my gums are so sore that I couldnt really enjoy it): 

Afterwards, we walked to boat quay for timbre. Chilled there and listen to the live band, and chit chat about things. It was an enjoyable night, good enough to take my mind off the feeling when I see that photo. 

Love,

Z

Im sleepy(;