from a to Zeeeeeeee: today(: day 13 of holiday((((:

okay, so today, this is how things went......

morning

woke up and chiong to bathe, then chiong to finish my beeehooon which cause me to feel so rush n feel like vomiting...

anw, otw to swimming camp, saw weijia, and walked to pool with him^^

@swimmming camp

had fun learning bout things idk and playing those funny funny games with those funny funny swimming peeps^^

after ard 2hr at camp, i rush off to meet isabel for the seminar

@church

at first, i was caught in the dilemma of should i go to camp or the isabel's thingy...

then i decided that i dun wanna disappoint isabel cos i told her i wont back out. so i went swimming awhile^^

but today i dont regret going to her church.. cos i finally figured out another thing..

when i reach the church, a band was playing a song and everyone inside the place were singing in union and it dawned on me... oh goodnesss. whats happening.

at first, i didnt know what to expect when i decided to go see with isabel. but then, when i reached there, i know that i feel kinda out of place. mainly due to the reason that all around me are christians, and what they are doing, i know that i will nvr do it. but i do respect what they believe in.. i kinda feel like i'm an intruder when everyone was singing song and stuff.

and to be truthful, i'm stunt at the things i saw, the things people are doing in church, stunt at how everyone believe in god so strongly. i do know that they believe in god, but today the things i saw is like unbelievable. its like they believe, but is really VERY STRONGLY. not what i've imagined.

i felt kinda awkward standing there with everyone, and while they are singing the songs, i stood there and stare. many things went through my mind. somehow, i felt like an intruder cos i know that i will nvr be a christian. not that i dont believe in god. but to me that's just not what i will be. and today, i finally figured that out.

everytime, whenever i hear my christian friends talking about how they feel the presence of god, this will ponder in my head.... what if i change and try to believe and talk to god.. will i feel the presence of god too? i'm a human, and this is what goes through my curious brain. but somehow deep inside me, no matter how many things i hear, all those miracle when u believe, part of me just have this belonging to buddhism.

sometimes, many different arguments that makes sense made me confused and doubtful about those buddhism stuff. cos at diff religious views, they sees things differently. so somehow, im always confused. confused with me being a budddhist. i went through this 'seek refuge with triple gem' thingy. and i am really buddhist buddhist. just like how christian baptist. i actually didnt know the meaning behind seeking refuge with triple gem and nvr can explain to anyone about buddhism beliefs like the beliefs of christian. but i guess someday i will find out..

anw, do u wonder why i say i will nvr be a christian? its really cos i feel buddhist. somehow, going to church and sitting through the service made me realise that that will nvr be me. in a sense of way, i believe the existence of god, but doing all those things is just things that i will nvr do. and if i ever do that, i know im not me. to me,buddha is my version of god.

and last time, i figured out before. my friends believed in god n they will feeel peaceful. and to me, i will get the peacefulness from buddha. its just the feel...

sitting through today's thing made me realise a very impt thing. its so true that no matter what, every religion just wants pple to be good and not do sinful stuff.

although i feels weird at church, one thing im sure of is that i am very happy though i find myself being there weird. know why im happy? cos i see people believing, having faith. i see a whole bunch of people that seems to be good people. i see the world having hope.

and when i think about it, its damn similar to the movie 'rango' haha. people believe and have faith in something, and that is what keeps them moving forward in life. in the show rango, people believe in rango. believing and having faith is so impt i guess..

today, at the service, they were explaining things that i somehow kno. i guess is the moral behind something. although things are being explained in diff ways, i realize it all have the same reason on how they want people to reflect and stuff. the talk that the person gave, brought me back to the sec4 adam khoo's camp. it just dawned on me that it is inspiring.

while they are singing the songs, i forgot what are those things about...

but while the song is playing n while im absorbing those lyrics, somehow, i just dont link to god with those things. for me, i would say i can only link to my grandpa. somehow, he is the one that gave me hope. he is the angel of my life. that's what i've learnt after the adam khoo's camp. my grandparents and my aunts are the angels of my life. and my grandpa will always be the one that guides me.

to me, my grandpa will nvr forget me behind. i will always rmb to keeep on going in life cos i know that's what i will need to do. i need to live well cos my grandpa gave me hope. i know that if i can go uni, my grandpa will be very happy. hence, i will keep moving forward and study all my best cos it will make my grandpa very happy. i know he isnt here to see it, but i gotta live up to the name he gave me. and i will nvr have an english name cos my name is a precious name thought by my grandpa.

anw, what i meant is that the way the people at church love god n have faith so strongly, i will only love my grandpa in that way. when i think back and rmb my grandpa, thats where i find my hope.

after today's experience, i felt kinda interested in learning bout religion. i guess, i shall keep on learning bout things that idk. in fact, life is all about learning...... SMILES^^