Just not the same

As much as I wish to do what was once my dream, reality kicks in faster than I could've achieved it. 

If I could turn back time

If I could turn back time, I would not get myself distracted for that past 3years of my life. We all know that we can't ever do that. Like turning back time. And we always talks about wishing for that. Definitely impossible.

I know I lost that chance to study overseas with a scholarship when I stop being hardworking after secondary school. 

You might say that its all excuses. Nothing is impossible. Might say that I just didn't want that experience? Who doesn't want that different experience? Who doesn't want to get out of this little red dot to experience once in a lifetime kind of life? Go somewhere with loads of culture and history. Somewhere where everyone lives differently. Somewhere to discover a different self? 

I was a DREAMER. Was. I still am. Just that certain things I've stop dreaming about. One way or another, I know I've fulfilled my dream elsewhere. Just not the usual path that I've wanted. 

I know it's possible for myself to go study overseas. Just that this 'want' isn't strong in me anymore. For I'm focusing on other things more. 20 now, & I've moved on from that dream I had when I was 15/16. It's not that I didn't wanna do it anymore. It's just that I will need to save a whole lot of money for that. And that I'll need a few years. And if I took few years to save just for that, other things in my life will have to be put on hold. Do I really have that luxury to do that? 

It saddens me for the thought that I didn't want to experience overseas life as a student. For I knew that dream once burn inside me. For the brochures I kept since 15, of the different schools providing scholarships for overseas studies. Even army is a choice. That army scholarship. 

It will be easier if I could put down everything I have right here in singapore. I know I couldn't do it, to the people that I hold close to my heart. At one point of my life, I just realized that time really waits for no man. And with time gone, there goes people around us too. Maybe I could do things differently. Maybe I could achieve my dreams still. Just maybe had to do it at other stage of my life.

Love,

Z