When darkness moves in closer to us.

Well, dear friends, its been a long 2 weeks for me.

Truth to be told, coming all the way here is really tough. I've never ever felt so sad and weak from time to time in my life. Although I am not FAR away from SG, I'm still away, coping on this island. Coping with work, coping with life. and also coping from being judged by people. I came with a friend that will adapt to people around him, that knows how to judge people. He have been telling me that I should change the way I behave around different people. But I came to realise that I dont care what others think about me. I just want to be myself. It's like being Ms. Clauderlene(my marketing teacher).

Anyway, let me tell all of you something. I'm actually really sad that I'm here and really miss all the things in Singapore. During my third day in Langkawi, I actually came back home after the SUPER heavy rain day, and sat in my room and cried uncontrollably. Nobody knows except for Jinson. Because I feel so afraid that I suddenly cry. that is how much I've missed everything back home. But it's only that day that I cried.

During work, sometimes, when my Resort Assistant Manager talks to me about my confidence, I feel like crying too. I felt that I've let others expectations of me down. I didnt live up to what I can be. It's just so sad that I'm not showing my best and giving my best which I know I'm capable off. that first time, I held on tight, and held back my tears. I told myself to be strong.

and just yesterday, I shamefully cried in front of my Resort Assistant Manager. I lost control of myself.

Recently, was the most stressful 2 weeks at work. Reason being that my "Buddy" isn't working because there were some issues. And apparently, my buddy was terminated from work.

Initially we were all waiting to see what will really happen. but yesterday, we got the final result.

It was really sad for me to know that my buddy wont be there anymore because he always takecare of me at work. He will make sure that I'm not being left alone at the counter because I'm a trainee. and he will constantly ask if anyone bully me. and he will ask if everything is alright.

It suddenly feel like everything is so different and nobody will be there to look out for me. haix. but im glad i have my other colleagues like Aika. she's really cute and funny and nice.

anw i cried at work because people treated me like a fool. i hate it when people does that. This director of F&B actually came and ask me to make booking for a restaurant. it made me feel puzzled because he is in the F&B department. I know it is my fault that it didnt occur to me that the restaurant is closed yesterday. but i was really stress at work. and everyone just come into my face all the time. coping with everything at one go? i really cant take it.

I've never felt so sad at work before I swear. maybe it's because im on a foreign island?

everything is just so different. the language barrier and everything. but who can i blame but myself?

All i can say is that I've realised that life is never ever going to be smooth. Its like we have to go against the wave before we can go with the wave and enjoy it.

Smile people, i hope i will be better when time comes. maybe its just period, the period mood swing, like i was suddenly unhappy and suddenly im sad. haix.