hehe

my aunt's laughter is always so funny(: i miss them(:
i miss everyone . miss my granny too(:

looking at this, i think i still love doodling(:

happy fathers day!

hello everyone! happy fathers day! this is my lovely grandfather <3

Recently, Jinson's grandpa just pass away. 

Funerals are always sad.

it made me think about my grandpa when he pass away.

I was primary 5 back then. and i rmb how i felt way back then, and the many things that happened within those periods. i rmb even before anything happened, my grandma says that grandpa is going to pass away soon cos she feels it. then my grandma started calling many friends of theirs and all the relatives to visit him. my granny also made those food that my grandpa loves for him to eat. while all these things were happening, i recall myself going to toilet to cry secretly. i rmb my cuz min and ying were so scared tat anything will happen. we looked at each other in some very scared feelings. and i told them go toilet n cry ba. hahaaa. because toilet have the water pipe being built there so that we can wash our face n no one will know that we are crying.

i rmb that my granny is very calm. she just keep telling my grandpa is ok, he can leave peacefully. and i rmb i dun dare to step into that room because i know that when i see my grandpa i will cry. cos i always rmb that my grandpa still rmb me even with dementia. i just cant help it. i rmb those days, i keep going to toilet to cry. n i will go back in there without crying thinking that my grandpa will not be dying. 

i still rmb how we stood there and wait for my grandpa to breathe his last breath. and in my heart, i keep on praying that he wont leave. and i rmb my fourth aunt didn't get to see him for the last time before he go off. that is very sad. we cried and then so hard that the adults say dun cry. cos its good that my grandpa can finally leave all this pain behind and not suffer anymore. to my granny, it is her relieve, as she's been in this suffering for 7 years already. but i admire how strong my granny can be as that is her husband that had passed away.

i rmb how we chant the music by his bed all the while when he died. i see him cough his last breath too. but i kept thinking that is not his last breath, and that he will come back to life. but he nvr came back. i rmb we just keep tearing till midnight when we were told to sleep. all of us sleep in the living room. and the room were my grandpa died was left empty with the music playing. all of us is tired. and i just want to escape the reality. so i slp in tears. but xiuying cannot sleep. i always rmb how all of us went to slp and she went into the room and continue chanting for my grandfather when she is so young. i guess back then, she was primary 1.

then in the morning, people came and they changed the 袈裟(a kind of wear that buddhist wear when they pass on in life), and then they brought him down to the coffin.

i rmb how i always imagine that he nvr die, and will come back to life, but the other part of myself tell me that the reality is that he is really gone. so i sat by his coffin and continue to chant for him during those days of funeral. i cry till i feel my eyes is so sore that i tell myself not to think about anything and don't cry anymore. so i dont cry the whole while. until when there is monk chanting and im thinking bout him, and when he is being push in for cremation. i will always rmb the scene where all relatives and my grandpa's god children came for it, and we all cried. they say not to cry, but no one can help it when it got push in. this time round, he is really really gone. like   g  o  n  e  . . . .

and on the 7th day when a person had past away, its believed that they will come back to check on his house. like come back worrying if his family have food and stuff. so my fourth aunts family came over and sleep that night. the rice of the house is filled up to the brim and not touch as they say he will come back to check before he finally leave. for me, i kept wishing to see him, but i was afraid too. i think my granny waited for him to be back. but i was too tired. only xiuying dreamt of him. and indeed, they go and see the rice, and there is a hand print distinctly on it. they already make it smooth the previous night, and he really came back. i forgot what other things they put.. hahaa. but i've nvr dreamt of my grandpa before.

anw, i wish my grandpa a very happy father's day wherever he is now. i still rmb way back in primary sch, during a father's day, i made a three level paper cupboard for my grandpa to put his things. i rmb its pink in colour. and it was kept for quite awhile till he past away. i still rmb that cupboard and the thought behind that. haix...

so this is my father's day post. anw im skipping work today. its like 3plus now and i havent even finish my stuff. so i guess i shall skip work and forget bout the extra $50 to earn. hahaa. i think health and school is more important than my current work which will keep me tired. so yea. anw i will do my best to finish my project. ehehee. btw i bought my papa a linen shirt for father's day(:

bye peeps(:

Sometimes..

Sometimes, i just numb myself into my own world cos i need to. Sometimes, after im in my own world, i just stay in there n just stay by myself. Sometimes, i wan to slp but i cant. Sometimes, i think n think bout nothing.. Sometimes, i feel that i am not needed at anywhere,or by anyone, or idk.... Sometimes, sometimes, sometimes, .................................................................................... Ok i should really slp... ~~~~~~

long time no blog(:

HELLO MY LOVELY FRIENDS!! WATSUP?? LIFE IS UNPREDICTABLE??? YES DEFINITELY(((: do update me ok? AND GOODLUCK FOR STUDIES^^

LETS START OFF WITH....

BATAM TRIP WIF GRANNY^^

 nice hotel with gd service(: serve drinks when we first enter, provide cookie n wet cold towel for cleaning^^

 bolster!! omg!! and u kno?? got wireless in rm!

 performance during morning buffet

20th century fashion

hehe! this is one of my subject^^

haix. hahaha. my design dun look any special!):

oh! this is my tangled hair! did i not mention how screw up my hair is???? omg

@bistro @tp

 didnt kno they upgraded to such thingy!!

it blinks when the food is ready for collection! for some friends, u might not kno that @ this bistro place in tp, they use to call ur number when food is ready! haha

here is photo of inconsiderate lady! omg imagine nxt time u sit this seat!! omg.. dirty!!

study session wif zuella^^

 HEHE(:

otw to ying's dunman high choir performance(:

lost when finding the place but stilll.... smile^^

times in library(:

 @bistro

dunno where. but nice effect(:

 library again(:

hot day, n i stood outside library for its aircon.. so typical eh(:

his 1st time @ sugarloaf

 yay! my cake^^

me eating at library! heehe shhhhhh!

 me in formal attire n look. back to sch day looks huh?

hehe! hi friends! anw, sry for not blogging for long! been pretty busy!

latest update!

1. im currently back to work at uniqlo bugis+
2. tired to work there. think im old!BEEN WORKING LIKE 8-11:30 FOR 3DAYS OF OPENING OF THE NEW STORE! ANW!!! SECRET HERE!!! TOILET SEEM LIKE SO NICE TO ME NOW!!! IM REALLY SO TIRED I FEEL LIKE DYING TAT I JUST GO TOILET N SIT ON TOILET BOWL!!! OMGGGGGGGGGGGGGG OLD LE!!! TOILET SUCH A WONDERFUL PLACE^^
3. i passed my BM(i can be lifeguard^^)
4. holiday now..
5. loads of projects...
6. heheheheheee. oh! rmb to text me if any of u free eh^^ JIAYOU TO STUDY^^
7. IM GONNA SLP NOW^^

QUOTEs..

"You are not defeated when you lose. You are defeated when you quit." ~ paulo coelho



am I?

life once again...

during holiday

golden m/room from bugis street recommended by min sis. i like(: 

 my chinese birthday mee sua(:

 swimming photoshoot. makeup of jinson in action.

 like monkey god^^

 timid sis @ playground!

 looking through the cute thing dear bought from japan!(:

 outing with pei n mh!!! hehee. i likes to eat here!

 pork!

start of school!

 TTO class. hahaha

 small aunt's birthday(: nice cake from four leaf

 dun wanna pose for photo. haha

 my favourite homecooked noodle!

 bday treat from parents!

 not nice chicken ):

FIRST TIME GOIng carl's JR. hehehehehehee.

 dear happy to have big lettuce<3

 my birthday gift^^ from fourth aunt! hehe

 my bday cake paid by small aunt bought by ah jie((((:

 cuz wanna take photo but i feel so sweaty n messy! omg.

 aiya! blur!

 my bday cake^^

 very nice!!! i like!!!^^

 deardear's hand made gift! heheee. so sweet(:

 my creation! teeheeeee :P

second time eating strictly pancake^^ HEHEHEEEE

anyway, school had already started!
service skills methodology (SSM) module is fun but very challenging! i've learnt to persevere strongly from there again. i realised that i dont push myself to work for anything anymore. somehow, i just kept giving up on stuff which im doing. i feel no motivation anymore. poly life for me seems to be really screwed up in terms of my academic n my cca. but right now i wont give up on my academic..
what im gonna give up this time round will be my cca. im going to quit swimming after my BM test.

somehow, i've mixed feeling towards quitting of swimming. a part of me wants to quit, the other part wants to be stubborn n keep moving forward. somehow, i think i will just quit. in poly, nobody really encourages me n motivates me except a few good friends n of cos dear jinson. i myself dont motivate myself anymore. that's quite a sad thing right? somehow i feel kindof lost in poly. like so lost...

hahaaa. now i am going to quit swimming cos im a lost soul at swim team. i feel like so useless as a team member. i feel that my presence is not needed n im not needed to help in anything. so i guess there is no point staying in the team luh. so sian. but its so sad cos poly without cca means study study n study. aiya. no luh. not realy. aiya.

haix. till i post again ba. hahahahaa.