Scattered thoughts

Things haven't been easy.
Its though when you cant have a mind of your own.
Though when you cant decide things on your own.
Though when you no longer have much say anymore.

All you had to do was follow
All you had to do was say yes
All you had left to do is follow
All you had left to say is yes

No questions to be asked
Should not question
Should not think about what you want

Now, it have to be as a whole.
Even when what you think you want to do is better for your child.
Even when what you say should be considered for.

He who put others before him.
Then you gotta follow it without questioning.
Unwillingly or willingly,
You just got to do that

Freedom no longer found.
This is the reason why

Friend oh friend,
this is the truth
it might sound scary
but this is the truth

you no longer get to put yourself first
and yes you could put yourself first,
but that wont be pleasant
and that will not be so important anymore

putting yourself first
it will never be the first anymore
it will be putting yourself second
or the third
or the fourth

because even putting yourself first
is not first for yourself anymore

living in a bigger picture
it will mean so many other things

wanting to be happy
in the bigger picture
will mean a whole other story

it meant that
even when it is though
you get to be happy too
you get to enjoy too
you will feel it all worth it
at the end of the day

but even so,
you will sit there
sometimes,
thinking about it all

feeling all so silent
feel that you had lost
yourself

then touching your own heart
finding your original self somewhere
knowing that someday
your original self can come out
and relax
and do all that you want again

maybe then,
after living a fulfilling life
then ready to open another
chapter
of life that you will fulfil
for yourself.

Sometimes, you choose
the other way round
you fight for what you want
you argue for what you want
you speak
you say no
you want to do it the other way

you get mad
you get unhappy
but at the end of the day,
peace seem to be a better choice

sometimes, you cannot help it
you speak
you do
the other way

life as it is
well well well